YOUR CHARISMA QUOTIENT

Section - Introduction

Well, hello there. 

You know…there's something about you I like.  I can't put my finger on it…and it's not just the fact that you purchased this ebook…but there's something about you that makes you attractive.

You've got charisma!

How do I know?  I know you've got charisma because you're open to the world around you and ready to learn new things that the universe has to offer.  And if there's one characteristic you always find in charismatic people, it's openness.

So, I think I've got your pegged right when I say you've got charisma.  Even if you don't know it yet.

Charisma is easy to spot.  You could probably name a dozen "charismatic" people you know in politics, the entertainment industry, or your personal life.  But even though it's easy to spot, charisma isn't so easy to break down into its key components.

The "It" Factor

It's not so easy to identify exactly what it is about a person that makes him or her charismatic.  You know that someone's got "it;" you just can't quite define what "it" is.

Charisma is an attractiveness that goes beyond good looks…an appeal that can’t be labeled…a captivating quality that isn't the result of simple intellectual brilliance or a terrific sense of humor.

Most people see charisma as something elusive and unachievable—a kind of magical, mysterious magnetism that you’re either born with or not.   And the fact is that nothing could be further from the truth! 

Charisma isn't a function of DNA.  It can be developed…

and it can be developed by YOU.

(Isn't that why you purchased this book?)

The Science of Charisma

The study of charisma and its role in leadership began Max Weber.  

The pioneering sociologist who lived from 1864 until 1920 defined charismatic leadership as gifted, inspired motivation from a leader who pursues a vision which attracts followers to identify with and emulate him.

Charismatic leaders have strong core values that drive their behavior.  They are also articulate, with the ability to speak dynamically, forcefully, and so persuasively that other people to buy into the vision, and to want to achieve it.

They are generally unconventional trailblazers; self-confident, and with a sufficient amount of competence that people feel comfortable following their lead.   This makes charisma especially important in a crisis situation because people are more likely to look toward a person who appears capable of bringing them through.

The Minute You Walked in the Room…

Professor of psychology Howard Friedman (University of California-Riverside) is a specialist in non-verbal communication.  He defines charisma as "a certain presence."  (More about this critical aspect of charisma in a moment!)

When charismatic people enter a room, their mere presence draws attention and their energy may radiate to enliven the entire gathering.   At the core of this charisma, says Friedman, is "a basic self-confidence" and the ability to project this to others.

Gifts Under the Charisma Tree

Right now, you're at a fork in the road.  Will you continue doing the same-old thing with the same old results, or will you move forward in a new direction…one that may seem a little scary at first…in order to make your life fuller, more successful, and more joyful?

I expect you may need a small "push" to get you going in the right direction because the fact of the matter is:

Your charisma quotient needs to be improved…and that takes work.

(Don’t' worry…the work is actually fun)

Since you've paid good money for this ebook, I want to make sure you get every penny's worth of value.  And in order for you to do that, you have to commit yourself mentally to doing whatever is necessary to raise your charisma quotient.

So before you even think about hitting the "close" button and wandering off for another night in front of the TV, I invite you stay tuned here to your favorite frequency - WII-FM -- our next Chapter.

WII-FM -- What's In It For Me

Here's a list of "oldies, but goodies"…an overview of the amazing things that having charisma can do for you!

1     You'll get far more respect than the average person!

2     People will be drawn to you without any effort on your part!

3     You'll exude self-confidence!

4     You'll seem powerful without being intimidating.

5     You'll put people at ease and make them feel understood!

6     And you'll be able to easily get what you want, because people will instinctively want to help you!

In your personal relationships, the quality of charisma can make your life fuller and more joygful.   Members of your family and your friends will be far happier in your company, and you will have a greater influence on them, causing them to feel better about themselves and to do better at the important things in their lives.

Face it.  Your charisma makes you irresistible.

Call Me Irresistible

Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines charisma as “a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure.” 

Charisma is also that special quality of magnetism that each person has and that each person uses to a certain degree. The people who look up to you, who respect and admire you, the members of your family and your friends and co-workers would probably say that they find you charismatic.  Why?  Because

Whenever one person feels a positive emotion towards another,

he imbues that person with charisma

In trying to explain charisma, some people speak of an “aura" that radiates out from a person and affects the people around him/her in a positive or negative way.

Saintly Charisma

The halo around the heads of saints and mystics in many religious paintings was the artist’s attempt to depict the light -- an outward manifestation of charisma -- that people reported seeing around the heads of these men and women when they were speaking or praying, or in an intense emotional state.

You also have an aura around you that most people cannot see.  But visible or not, it's there nevertheless. This aura affects the way people react and respond to you, either positively or negatively. So it's easy to see why it's in your very best interest to learn to control this aura and make it work to your advantage.

Charisma Sells

The charismatic salesperson is almost invariably

a top performer in his field who enjoys all the rewards that go with superior sales.

If you’re in sales, your charisma can have a major impact on the way your prospects and customers treat you and deal with you.  I'm sure you've noticed that top salespeople seem to be far more successful than the average salespeople in getting along with their customers.

Charismatic salespeople are always more welcome, more positively received and more trusted than the others. They sell more, and they sell more easily. They make a better living and they build better lives than people who have not fully developed their charisma potential. Salespeople with charisma get far more pleasure out of their work and suffer less stress and rejection.

Charisma Makes You Influential

If you’re in business, developing greater charisma can help you tremendously in working with your staff, your suppliers, your bankers, your customers and everyone else upon whom you depend for your success.

People seem naturally drawn to those who possess charisma.  When you've got charisma, other people will want to help you and support you in your success efforts.  People will open doors for you and bring you opportunities that otherwise would not have been available to you.

Charisma gives you a tremendous advantage in almost every conceivable situation:  

1     Sales calls

2     Business meetings

3     Getting your kids to do their homework

4     Enlisting the cooperation of a store clerk or teacher.

Just imagine how much easier your life will be when people are instantly drawn to you and automatically want to help you.

You’ll be able to inspire people, ignite their enthusiasm, persuade them to see things your way, and do what you want them to—without creating defensiveness or resentment.

You see, that's the beauty of charisma.  Charisma doesn't turn you into a crafty trickster, pulling the wool over people's eyes and fooling them. When you unleash your charisma -- which is really just saying when you live and speak authentically, from a place of "inner truth" -- people will naturally want to be on your side.

Whether you’re running a corporation, a department, a classroom, a volunteer program, or a household, there’s no skill more valuable than the ability to positively influence others.

You already have the potential to be more charismatic. Together, we're going to unlock it, so you, too, can have an extraordinary edge in life shared only by a select few.

Section:  What Is Charisma?

Dr. Tony Alessandra defines charisma as "the ability to influence others positively by connecting with them physically, emotionally, and intellectually."

He also quotes Harvard anthropologist Charles Lindholm's definition: "Charisma is, above all, a relationship, a mutual mingling of the inner selves of leader and follower."

Heady talk! 

Body to Spirit, Body to Spirit, Come in Please

Charisma - the real McCoy - has certain characteristics: expansiveness for instance and energy, joy and creativity. Charisma is a way of being which calls forth all your powers - from the pragmatic to the inspirational, the intellectual to the intuitional -- and a way of relating to yourself, to those you work with and play with - and even to the "universe" itself.

That is why at its core, charisma is both disarmingly simple and immeasurably complex -- it is the spirit which is unique to you.

Establishing contact with your unique spirit…learning to understand and to respect it…and finally having the courage to live from it is what gaining charisma is all about.   The more fully and honestly your unique nature shows itself, the more charisma you will have.

Simple? Nothing could be simpler.

You Are What You Speak - Charismatic Words

In discussions of charisma, most people immediately say "sex appeal" when asked to describe a characteristic of someone who is charismatic.  But Cynthia Emrich, associate professor of management at the School of Business at the College of William and Mary, thinks otherwise.   "If the (charismatic person) is attractive, but you don't have any clue [about where he or she stands] you can't identify with him. The leader loses potency."

Emrich grew interested in the language of charisma after reading a theory that memorable art creates images in the viewer's mind. A study of Shakespeare's sonnets, for example, found that the most popular sonnets had the most image-based words such as heart," hand" or "desert."

Emrich contends that in the pre-television era, words sometimes nosed out looks as the source of charisma. "We tend to equate charisma with a type of sex appeal or charm, but you can find charismatic leaders who were pretty darn unattractive," she says pointing to British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, unarguably tremendously charismatic, but not attractive physically.

Charisma in the White House

In a study of historic presidential speeches, it was found that U.S. presidents now deemed charismatic by historians were heavy users of image-based words. And, as well as being called charismatic…

Presidents who used more of the image-evoking words in pivotal speeches

were also ranked as more effective.

There is no definite theory as to why image words would be more persuasive and charismatic than idea words, although some studies suggest that it's because they engage a different part of the brain.  When you use image-based words, says Emrich, "it's not just something they see, but also hear and taste."  

So an important part of charisma is the ability to elicit images in the mind of a follower. A message that is easy to "see" is easier to understand, and that works well for the message and the messenger.

The A-B-C Basics of Charismatic Communication

Communication Basic A - Let Your Voice Come From Deep Within You -

Involving Your Body

It's more likely than not that you don't involve your body in your speaking very much. You probably take shallow breaths, and when you speak, the resonance of your voice probably comes mainly out of your throat, neck and head, rather than out of your chest or deeper in your body.

Not good.

You must practice breathing more deeply, and practice letting sound come out of that deeper place within you.  The following exercise is perfect for you:

Exercise:  Open Up and Say Ahhhhh

Try breathing deeply and saying "ahhhh, ahhhh, ahhhh" with each breath, letting the sound come out of a lower place in your body. Then try speaking. You'll find that your voice is more resonant and easier to listen to. If you do this every day, after a while your habit of breathing will change, and your vocal tone will change along with it.

You can practice this exercise wherever it's convenient: in the car on the way to work, in the shower in the morning, or whenever you happen to be alone.

Communication Basic B - Speak with Excitement

Many people who have been told that they lack charisma have usually gotten into the habit of never showing any real excitement about anything.

Charismatic, attractive pepole, on the other hand, are good at conveying their enthusiasm about things in their lives by the way that they speak. You can learn to do this by practicing speaking excitedly about things.

Exercise:  Get the Needle in the Red Zone

Imagine that there is a gauge strapped to your forehead that registers the "excitement output" of your speech.  If your Charisma Quotient is low, the needle on your gauge probably stays low, too.  Your job in becoming a more charismatic person is to learn how

Get so excited about something that the gauge explodes.

You do this by practice. Choose a topic, and spend one speaking about that topic with enthusiasm. Really let yourself go, and get excited about it!   It doesn't matter if you're talking about baseball, a recipe for brownies, your spouse, your business, or world politics.  The subject doesn't matter nearly as much as your ability to convey your excitement about it.

As you practice speaking excitedly, you'll find you are more animated and exciting in all your conversations. And this will make you much more charismatic.

Communication Basic C - Don't Be Wishy Washy

Many people who come across as boring and un-focused were not rewarded during their formative years for speaking with certainly or decisiveness. As a result, they've come to believe that the best way to get along in life was to stay "under the radar," and to never appear too committed to anything

That's a good way to get along, okay, if you don't mind being completely devoid of charisma…and all the benefits that charisma brings.  

If you'd rather do more than just get along, if you'd like to really be charismatic in your personal and business life, it's time to start experimenting with speaking with certainty.

Exercise - Remove and Replace

Sounding wishy-washy is very much a function of the language you use when you express yourself.  The easiest way to stop appearing to be drifting without a rudder is to remove the words "I guess" from your vocabulary.

Tiny verbal changes can have a huge impact in how dynamic and charismatic you seem to other people.  But "waste removal" is just half the task.  When you break a habit (like saying "I guess"), you can't simply stop the behavior.  You must replace one behavior with another.

When it comes to radiating charisma, you should remove all words of doubt and replace them with words of certainty.

1     Instead of saying, "I guess so," try saying, "Yes!"

2     Instead of saying "I guess that'd be okay," try saying, "That's what I want."

3     Instead of saying, "I guess we could sit over there," try saying, "Let's sit over there."

Some people have natural charisma in their speaking. The rest of us just have practice.

Good luck!

Exercise - The Charisma 2-Step

Now that you're beginning to understand the importance of raising your Charisma Quotient, and now that you realize it's possible for you to raise your Charisma Quotient, it's time for your first assignment.

Don't worry.  It's a snap!

The Charisma 2-Step

Step One -  Identify the people with whom you seem to have a lot of charisma - the people who know, like and respect you the most. How could you increase your charisma with these people?

Step Two - Identify the people whom you feel exude charisma, the people you most like and respect and admire. What is there about them that you could copy or emulate?

Well done!  Simply by examining the charisma that's already in your life, you're one step (actually TWO steps) closer to raising your CQ to a new level.

Now it's time to move on to identifying the different kinds of charisma that exist.

Section:  I Spy with My Little Eye - Identifying the 13 Different Faces of Charisma

Who's Got the Power (of Charisma)…and Why

Author Doe Lang has written extensively about charisma and has identified 13 different instances where charisma is exhibited:

1.    Cross-Over Charisma - the charisma that people gain from achieving success in one area can cross-over with them to a completely different area of endeavor. 

Example:  charismatic actor/bodybuilder Arnold Schwarzenegger crossed-over into California politics much like predecessor Ronald Reagan.

2.    Cumulative Charisma - People, particularly celebrities, who spend many, many years of achievement in the public eye become so iconic that their charisma transcends whatever their current situation might be. 

Example:  This is particularly evident in "fallen idols" like Elvis and Marilyn Monroe.

3.    Intellectual Charisma - Philosophers, writers, and the world's great thinkers were magnetic thanks to the power of their ideas, as well as their ability to convey them.  This also applies to people who are successful in business

Example:  Einstein, Thomas Wolfe, Maureen Dowd

4.    Intrinsic Charisma - This is the most elusive of all forms of charisma.  It's the thing that makes someone "my most unforgettable person."  It has nothing to do with fame or fortune, and often is found in the most simple person.  This charisma can't be learned and is truly a gift from the universe.

Examples:  a clergyman, your 5^th grade music teacher, a Holocaust survivor

5.    Legendary (also called "mythic") Charisma - Truly the stuff legends are made of, this charisma is ascribed to real and fictional characters whose larger-than-life achievements make them enormously appealing: 

Examples:  Columbus, Goliath, Paul Bunyon, etc.

6.    Media Charisma - You need look no further than television reality series to see the power of the media in making someone charismatic.  Everyday people whose only achievement is to be seen on television suddenly become sought-after…especially as commercial spokespeople so they can cash-in on their "15 minutes" of charisma.

Example:  Omarosa (The Apprentice)

7.    Money Charisma - Nothing is as alluring as power, unless it's the money that buys that power.  For many, all it takes is money charisma to turn a "weirdo" into an "eccentric" or an "ugly" person into someone with "a unique personal style."

Example:  Bill Gates, Donald Trump,

8.    Performance Charisma - Unlike performance anxiety, performance charisma is a good thing.  It doesn't matter if you're the biggest star in the Hollywood firmament, or the under-paid, over-worked keyboard player in a local bar band, your role as a performer immediately gives you charismatic appeal.  (Hey, didn't you ever hear of groupies!)

Example:  Billy Bob Thornton, Sea Penn, Oprah Winfrey,

9.    Political Charisma - Also known as Power Charisma, political charisma ebbs and flows along with the success of the politician.  A newly elected President is dripping with political charisma, but is likely to watch it start to erode the minute he makes a decision that's unpopular with constituents.

Example:  Colin Powell, Bill Clinton, Margaret Thatcher

10. Scientific Charisma - The ability to uncover new facts, discover new worlds, and cure old ills makes scientists highly charismatic.  We want to know more about them and how they think so that we can think big thoughts, too.

Example: NASA scientists, Jonas Salk

11. Situational Charisma - Some people are lucky enough to be born into a life that gives them charisma.  Royal, political, and celebrity offspring often enjoy carry-over charisma thanks to their parents' status, but frequently squander their charisma "capital" by behaving badly.

Example:  Princess Diana, Paris Hilton

12. Spiritual Charisma - The magnetic charisma of ancient religious figures and more contemporary leaders comes from their spiritual faith and selfless devotion to their belief system.

Example:  Jesus, Buddha, Mother Teresa,

13. Sports Charisma - The cult of personality around famous sports stars - call it "charisma by scorecard" - is huge.  Madison Avenue leverages that charisma by having well-loved sports figures pitch products so consumers will be eager to emulate their charismatic idol and "Be like Mike."

Example:  Michael Jordan, Venus and Serena Williams, the 2004 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox

Exercise - Find Your Charisma Source

What makes you feel charismatic?  Is it your ability to explain new zoning laws to your condo board (intellectual charisma)?  Is it your league-leading status with your company's bowling team (sports charisma)?  Or maybe it's the peace and power you feel because of your faith.

Take a moment to find the source of your power to feel good about yourself.  If you're lucky -- and I think you are -- you'll find many aspects of your life that make you charismatic to other…right now…this minute.

Again, I want you to understand that your charisma is already at work even as you read this book.  Your goal is to identify its source so that you can "amp up" the output.

Section:  Reach Out and Touch - Making A Connection

I "Feel" You…

A person who develops his or her charisma is likely to do well in all aspects of life for one main reason -- connection.  People who are charismatic connect with people around them emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

As you seek to improve your Charisma Quotient, remember that when people feel someone is making them do something, they're often frustrated and resentful--and as a result, they dig in their heels.  

Golden Nugget:

A charismatic person strives to create feelings of collaboration and equality.

Charismatic people approach others interactively and offer a choice, turning an order into a request.  For example, telling a subordinate "Copy this report" is a mild form of coercion from a position of power.

But if you re-frame the question as "Would you mind copying this report?" or "Do you have time to copy this report right now?" it becomes an interactive communication that allows for the possibility of more than one outcome…thus giving your employee a sense of power and you an aura of charismatic leadership.

By the same token, you can't simply order employees to "Be more productive!" or "Improve your efficiency!" and expect them to feel invested in the process of making their workplace better.  But you can organize them into teams or create suggestion systems that really work, and give people more information about the company's profits and losses.

The second approach is more empathetic, more other-directed and focused on the needs of your workers. Your empathy empowers your employees and that's a big plus for them, for you, AND the company.

Golden Nugget:

Recognize another person's achievements, contributions, and particular skills.

Everyone wants to feel that they're on a winning team, and they want to feel that their contribution, no matter how small, was important.  A charismatic person will catch someone else doing something right and celebrate those successes enthusiastically.

Charisma By Example

Charismatic people have heard all the bromides about why you can't rock the corporate boat ("We've never done it that way before." "It's too radical a change."), but they just pay less attention to them.

In fact, the charismatic person often good-naturedly challenges, prods and pokes as he or she encourages others to stretch themselves. Take Michael Jordan. 

Even in practice, the superstar is known for being the loudest, most demanding player on the court, goading his teammates to try harder.  This never-ending level of competitiveness is Jordan's way of being inspirational; he never stops trying his best, even when no one is keeping score.

The potential to be charismatic leader is within you, too. And...the payoff for doing so has never been higher. 

So I suggest that you be aggressively optimistic and willing to be the first to do something and to willing to take the heat if it doesn't work out makes you the kind of person other people respect, trust, and lay down their professional life for.

Behavioral Types - More than Just A and B

Have you ever wondered why you hit it off with some people immediately, while with others it’s like oil and water? It may have a lot to do with your behavioral type and the behavioral type of the person you're talking to.

Although we have many aspects to your behavior, each of us exhibits the characteristics of one of four dominant behavioral types.

The Director

The Thinker

The Relater

The Socializer

(For more information on the behavioral types and their attributes according to different theorists, visit:  http://www.peterursbender.com/quiz/moreinfo.html)

Each one of these four styles has very distinct - and predictable - patterns of observable behavior. Once you understand these patterns, you have the key to unlock your ability to get along with nearly anyone.

No one style is better than another.  Each has it's good points and bads.  So when you identify your dominant behavioral style, you'll also gain some insight into your style's strengths and weaknesses.  This is essential to help you understand the things that you do that may or may not mesh with someone else's style.

Golden Nugget

Knowing who YOU are is the key to developing

stronger business and personal relationships and to improving interpersonal skills.

Once you get a handle on spotting behavioral styles, you'll find yourself better able to get along with your family, friends, and co-workers.  You'll even find strangers easier to deal with. 

When you raise your Charisma Quotient, you'll exude the positive energy of a self-confident optimist.  Nothing stands in your way because you are able to see almost all problems as solvable--focusing on desired results rather than possible failures.  This upbeat attitude is tremendously charismatic and helps encourage people to step forward and convert their sense of fear into a sense of opportunity.

Life will be much less stressful because you won’t have to deal with the conflict that often comes from "butting heads" with someone else's behavioral style.  Instead of a tiny misunderstanding blowing up into a major problem, you’ll be able to nip the problem in the bud before it even starts to get out of control.

And remember that even if you never get a chance to head a corporation, spearhead a movement or even hold office in the local PTA, you can use your charisma, present or future, to do good for yourself and others, to make for positive change in ways large and small.

Section:  Studying Charisma

Can Charisma Be Measured?

Can charisma be measured? Yes, an examination of nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, gestures and body movements speak volumes about someone's charisma.

For example, charismatic people smile naturally, with wrinkling around the eyes.  They are generally demonstrative, often touch friends during conversations. Even people who may be characterized as shy may also be considered charismatic and influential because of their ability to transmit emotions through nonverbal cues.  Inscrutable people are the opposite pole and are the least charismatic.

You Be The Judge

Courtroom studies show that elements of charisma help us make judgments about people and their integrity.  For example, despite innocence or guilt, if a defendant is self-confident,  and very articulate, the jury is more likely to vote an acquittal if the opposite party is less charismatic. 

Can Charisma Be Learned?

Despite appearances to the contrary, charisma is not a mysterious, indefinable character trait, but a inter-connected set of skills.   Some people learn these skills when they're young because were lucky enough to learn by example -- from their parents, a teacher, a member of the clergy, etc. 

They were lucky then.  You're luck now.  You can learn the skills on your own.

Charisma can be developed; it is not product of DNA and genetics. The expression, "Leaders are made, not born" and the corollary "Charisma is nurture, not nature" is a staple of the personal and executive coaching industry.

Okay, so you're probably asking:  "If a person can learn to become more charismatic, what are the foundational steps to achieving personal charisma?"

Changing your Charisma Quotient from "Okay" to "Oh my goodness!" is simply a matter of developing the seven secret skills listed on the following pages.  You may well find these secrets the most important information contained in this book.

Before we get down to the meat of things, I think this is just the right time for a little break…a moment to sit back, relax, and let someone else do the thinking.  So grab a cup of your favorite beverage, put up your feet, and wrap your mind around:

Section:  Study Break - Famous Thoughts on Charisma

The key to charisma is being more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are in making them feel good about you.  So, in an effort to practice what I preach, I've hunted down these quotes on charisma that I think will inspire and motivate you, and make you feel good about your "Charisma Quest."

 

1     "Charisma is the transference of enthusiasm." - Ralph Archbold

2     "Let the others have the charisma. I've got the class." - George Bush

3     "By dint of dogged charisma, Brynner has identified himself with a role more than any other actor since Bela Lugosi hung up his fangs."  -- Richard Corliss

4     "Lack of charisma can be fatal."  -- Jenny Holzer

5     "Steve Jobs has always had a bit of Buzz Lightyear in him: comically self-confident, ingenuously overbearing and over-endowed with charisma." -- Katie Hafner

6     "My strong point is not rhetoric, it isn't showmanship, it isn't big promises-those things that create the glamour and the excitement that people call charisma and warmth." -- Richard M. Nixon 

Section:  Let's Get to Work

8 Secret Skills for Increasing Your Charisma Quotient

1     Secret Skill #1 - "Reading" People

In order to communicate with someone, you'll want to have a sense of what they're thinking and feeling.  You can acquire this skill by observing people you know during the, trying to guess what emotion they are feeling, and then asking them if your guess is correct.

Over time, your ability to guess will improve.

2     Secret Skill #2 - Emotional Expression

Studies have shown that most people are not nearly as good at communicating emotion non-verbally as they think they are.  How do you do it?  With the tone of your voice, your face, and your body language.

The best way to improve your emotional expression is to try to convey more feeling when you're conversing with people. If you want to improve quickly, practice in front of a mirror or videotape yourself.

3     Secret Skill #3 - Hiding Emotion (Selectively)

Showing the wrong emotion at the wrong time can cause discomfort in others or make people lose respect for you (having no emotional control is a sign of immaturity and lack of self-discipline).

Golden Nugget

Emotions are contagious, and some are unwise to spread,

particularly anger and awkwardness.

Some people are not very good at hiding their emotions from others. Their inability to seem neutral makes them less charisma because sometimes the unintentionally or intentionally expressed emotion is inappropriate to the situation.

4     Secret Skill #4 - Learning to Read Between the Lines

The best way to practice is to simply sit in a café and brush up on your people-watching.  Observe passers-by during their verbal and non-verbal interactions with one another and look for subtle clues and signals they may be giving off

Golden Nugget

The ability to focus your attention beyond yourself is an important aspect of charisma

5     Secret Skill #5- Playing by the (Social) Rules

When in Rome, do as the Romans…if you want them to think you're charismatic.  Social rules are different for different cultures, subcultures, ages, regions, etc. 

Since part of being charismatic is "mirroring" what's going on around you (to make people feel comfortable with you), you need to pay attention, study, and ask questions to figure out what's considered "the norm" in a specific environment -- things like who goes through the door first, how to introduce yourself to others, who reports to whom, etc.

Golden Nugget

A good person to ask for guidance on social rules is a socially competent older person who's been around the block before.

6     Secret Skill #6 - Develop a Multiple Personality

The ability to play different roles with different people and knowing what works best with different people is a tremendous boost to your Charisma Quotient.  But if being charismatic is about being yourself, how can you play different roles and still be true to yourself?

Everyone's personality -- yours, mine, Aunt Millies, Fire Marshal Bob's -- has many aspects.  You're not always happy are you?  Or always sad.  You're not always friendly and you're not always outgoing, but you're not always a quiet loner either. Being socially flexible is about allowing the aspect of you that is appropriate to a situation to come out. 

7     Secret Skill #7 - Talk the Talk

This is the ability to use words to express yourself clearly and interestingly. You can improve your skill by paying attention to what makes some people interesting and others boring, and by practicing what you learn.

8     Secret Skill #8 - Increase Your Word Power (Vocabulary) 

Spending more time expressing yourself verbally is very important — conversing, giving speeches — simply try to improve your ability to express yourself with words.

You don't have to memorize a new list of "20-dollar words" every morning, but trying to find different ways to express yourself is important. 

Golden Nugget

As with almost everything in life, achieving charisma will require you to

develop the ability to communicate

Secrets' Secret

Oh, there's one thing I wanted to mention about the secrets of charisma.  If you SHARE these secrets, people will find you more charismatic than ever!

Section:  Body, Mind and Spirit

The Charismatic Mind

Charismatic people engage the minds of others. Their ideas and ideals tend to raise our vision above the mundane. To enhance the charisma prowess of your mind, engage your brain to

1      Read

2      Take a class in a subject that's completely new to you

3      Continue your professional development

4      Learn personality types

5      Develop a better vocabulary

6     Volunteer to teach or train others

Interestingly, even when we have a sense that a charismatic person may not be the smartest person, we give credit to their words because we see that they think deeply about things and are able to communicate their ideas and thoughts in meaningful ways.

           

The Charismatic Body

Some people are physically charismatic. Motivational speaker Tony Robbins clearly had a commanding presence, thanks to his super-size frame which contributes significantly to his charisma.

Now this is one instance where nature is at work, not nurture.  BUT…you can improve your physical skills (if not your size) to enhance your charisma by: 

1      Improving your overall health and vitality

2      Improving your ability to look people in the eye

3      Developing a firm handshake

4      Investing in a new wardrobe that accentuates your best features

5      Carrying yourself proudly with your head up

6     Learnomg to smile more

The Charismatic Spirit  

The connection we tend to most identify with charismatic leaders is the emotional. Though few people have ever met Mahatma Gandhi or the Dalai Lama, their words and deeds have inspired millions.

To connect emotionally to others in a more charismatic way, you should

1      Enhance your oral communication skills, including persuasion and public speaking

2     Enhancing my ability to communicate effectively in writing

3      Focusing more on those with whom I communicate and less on myself

4     Learning to listen better

5      Being more aware of body space and body language

6     Work on being more optimistic

Section:  Presence and Charisma

The most powerful manifestation of charisma is "presence."   Presence, as used here, refers to the quality of commanding respectful attention. 

To further define presence, think of it more specifically as how you carry yourself.

Exercise - Visualizing Charisma

Picture a parking lot filled with row after row of little red Cooper minis.  In the middle of this "red sea" is a midnight blue Ferrari.  The Ferrari stands alone -- all sleek, sporty and stylish compared to the boxy little Minis.  The Ferrari isn't moving…it isn't rev-ing its engine.  It's simply sitting there, commanding your attention.  Now that's presence!  Now imagine yourself as the Ferrari standing apart and distinct from the other little cars with an appeal and allure all your own. 

3 Unstoppable Ways to "Presence" Yourself to Charisma

Having a "presence" is an essential part of having charisma, so let's talk about ways to establish your presence.

Your Mother Was Right:  "Don't Slouch!"

Your posture should make you appear to be confident and at ease with your surroundings. Pay attention to how you walk, sit, and stand.  Even if you're not at ease, maintain a posture that tells other people that you are.              

S-M-I-L-E

A friendly smile is one of your most powerful charisma "weapons" and can work wonders if you use it at the right strategic intervals.  A friendly smile breaks the ice, overcomes resistance, and surrounds you in an aura of high self-esteem and confidence.

You Be the Judge

In any situation where you are dealing with another person, you need to stay focused on tact and diplomacy.  To keep your Charisma Quotient up so that others will be drawn to you, you need to analyze situations so you'll know when to speak and what to say when you speak, and how to present yourself in the most appealing way throughout the interaction.

In a world where most people lack a high level of presence, it is easy to stand out when you have it and it shows. And although it's difficult, until you develop your own high level of presence, you can fake it until you make it.

But take note - the trick to faking it is to fake it with sincerity.

The Concept of 'Universal Presence'

When it comes to first impressions, there's a certain zone statistically most people respond to, and for the purpose of this section we'll call it the "safety zone".

You can dress the same way that you've always dressed, or you can dress in a way that other people are known most often to admire.  The important thing to realize is that it's that your clothing will establish your presence…and that presence can draw other people to you or send them running to the hills.

The Style Channel

If you're trying to turn up your Charisma Quotient with the opposite sex, you'll dress with personal style. A good sense of personal style sends out the charismatic message:  "I care about myself and the image I present. 

Don't confusion enduring style with passing fads.  If you do, you'll end up a fashion victim, pulled in whatever direction the trend of the moment pulls you .  Don't try to mimic trendsetters and buy-into whatever the fashionistas are trying to sell.

For a bump in your Charisma Quotient, be a little creative, looking for those items that will make your wardrobe more original than the average well-dressed person.

The great seducers -- infamous charismatic lovers like Valentino, Don Juan, and others -- understood what the women they were after most looked for in a man's appearance, and so they portrayed this image for the sole purpose of getting these women. Today, this means that if you're going after a woman who's 'big on country', dressing with a 'hip hop' look probably isn't going to have a good effect.

Preppy girls like preppy boys.  Biker girls like tattooed-up bikers. Thug girls like thug guys. Punk rock girls like punk rock guys. Cowgirls like cowboys.  Yes, yes, yes, I know that "opposites attract," but from a charisma perspective…

Birds of a feather think the other birds are charismatic

Therefore, to bring up your Charisma Quotient, you should always keep in mind that a personal style that's too different from the "universal presence" exuded by successful people in different walks of life is likely to turn people off. 

By themselves, these simple details regarding showing a positive, prestigious face to the world won't make you the Charisma Kid.  But put them all together and they spell "presence," a keystone in your foundation for charisma.

Exercise - Sharp Dresser

Charismatic people exist in politics, religion, the world of entertainment, sports, and every walk of life.  For this exercise, I want you to think of 10 people that you believe have lots of charisma.  They can be men or women, living or dead, it really doesn't matter as long as you think they have charisma.

Now try to identify some of the commonalities that exist in the way these people dress.  I don't mean that they all brown shoes or didn't button the top button of their shirts.  I want you to look for things that contribute to their universal presence, such as…

1      How are they dressed in relation current fashion?

2      What about their dress makes them stand out?

3      Are they dressed casually or formally?

You goal is to recognize the elements of universal presence in your clothing and to understand what those elements might convey to others.  For example:

1      Stylish dresser (in step with the times)

2      Clothing that stands out (someone who isn't afraid to be in the spotlight)

3      Dressed casually  (a man/woman of the people)

4      Dressed formally (someone who has achieved)

It is human instinct to look for patterns in the world around us. In fact, if we can't find patterns…we create them!  It is a sub-conscious, psychological function that makes it easier for us to relate to the situations we're presented by responding to them based on past experiences.

When creating an aura of charisma, you can use this instinct to your advantage by bringing into your personal style elements that you know will send specific messages to others. 

Golden Nugget

If you look like a charismatic person used to respect and even admiration, you will be prejudged as a person who is probably charismatic and worthy of respect and even admiration.

Pre-judged

When you exude a charismatic universal presence, people will pre-judge you as competent and successful, and someone they'd like to stay in contact with.  Once you've been prejudged in this way…categorized as one of the "good guys" (or gals" -- it's that much easier to create the effect that you're after.

Many elements make up charisma; presence is but one, but I'll call it "The Big Red One."  Most people don't understand the charismatic persona and can only assume that it comes naturally to some people. And that is undoubtedly true for a very rare and select few.

For the rest of us, charisma is less about a naturally endowed genetic science and more about a socially acquired art - something that we practice in our daily encounters with others until it is developed over time.

Section - Charisma in Your Personal Life

Charisma and Relationships

In a relationship, your charisma will manifest itself in your ability to understand and respond to the other person's needs and desires…thereby making you more appealing.  Understanding the nature of relationships themselves, including the 9 Never-Changing Rules below, may be as important to your success in love as understanding the person with whom you're having the relationship.

9 Never-Changing Rules of Relationships

From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships

1     Relationships Don't Just Happen

Relationships aren't accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them.  Remember that the time you invest in others will ALWAYS pay off. 

2     Relationships are Need-based.

Everyone has needs, the trick is to figure out those needs since some may be unexpressed verbally.  Focus on your partner.  Ask how you can respond to a desire that he/she has.  Your guiding principle should be:  you can get anything that YOU want simply by helping someone else get what HE/SHE wants. 

3     Relationships Don't Hold a Grudge

Despite the use of terms like "perfect match," and "perfect couple," the idea of a perfect relationship is perfectly ridiculous.  We all make mistakes dealing with other people, so it's important to be overlook and/or forgive imperfections in others in order to build strong relationships.

4     Relationships That Endure Take Time

Relationships are formed with long-term goals mind.  This means that deep relationships will evolve slowly because the stakes -- a life partner -- are so great.  In this instance, "haste makes waste" and divorce…or at least an ugly break-up.  (How uncharismatic!)

5     Relationships are As Unique as the Folks That Are In 'Em.

No two people are the same and so no two relationships are the same. You Charisma Quotient will shoot through the roof, and your relationships will deepen and strengthen, if you can accept the uniqueness of others as a precious gift.

Instead of trying to pigeonhole someone into your ideal or force your relationship to conform to some externally created format, you'll be much happier in the long run if you let the relationship conform to the people who are in it.

6     Relationships Build You Up.

"My partner brings out the best in me," is the way most people define the charismatic partner that they love.  Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you're urging them beyond their comfort zone to  a new level of intimacy.

7     Relationships Are Essential.

It may be a dog eat dog world out there, but man is still a "pack animal," looking for positive healthy relationships. Once you understand that nothing is more important than people, you'll communicate that supportive, charismatic message in everything you do. This, in turn, will bring people flocking to your side and you'll develop a wide spectrum of essential personal relationships -- lovers, friends, confidantes, etc.

8     Relationships Are For Two.

There is no such thing as a one-person relationship. For a relationship to thrive it requires cooperation from both parties, otherwise it's unrequited love (at best) and stalking (at worst).  You can't have a relationship with someone who isn't interested in having one with you.  Use your charismatic listening and "people" skills to be sensitive to whether the person you're pursuing is responding to your charm. 

9     Relationships are Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts.

In good relationships there is energy -- your energy and your partners.  This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.

The tremendous energy of shared goals will naturally create an atmosphere of enthusiasm. The enthusiasm further energizes the relationship itself, starting up a never ending cycle of more and more power and good feelings for both of you.

Now THAT's charisma at it's best!

Section - Charisma in the Professional World

Charisma and Leadership

People ascribe the quality of charisma to those leaders whom they feel can most enable them to achieve important goals or objectives.  In a leadership role, your charisma shows itself as extraordinary performance and a focus on achieving extraordinary results.

The results you achieve serve as a charismatic inspiration to others to perform at equally exceptional levels.  Remember that charisma always comes from working on yourself, not trying to make others see you in a certain way.  It comes from liking and accepting yourself unconditionally and doing your best to do and say the specific things that develop within you a powerful, charismatic personality.

Respect is Charismatic

Men and women who make great sales, or who establish admirable sales records, develop influence in the minds and hearts of their coworkers and superiors. They are spoken about in the most positive way and often called "charismatic" in deeply reverential tones. 

Golden Nugget

It's a natural impulse to elevate people whom we feel we can

count on to help us achieve what is important to us.

Men and women who are responsible for companies or departments that achieve high levels of profitability also develop charisma. They develop what is called the "halo effect."  They are perceived by others to be extraordinary individuals who are capable of great things.  Their shortcomings are often overlooked, while their strong points are overemphasized. They become charismatic.

The downside in the workplace is when the "halo effect" mutates into cross-over charisma. A department head who's done a great job in one area is all to often dubbed a "golden boy" (or girl) and moved to another area where he/she has no expertise and is doomed to fail.

Golden Nugget

No amount of charisma can make up for a lack of training, experience, and knowledge.

Determination is Charismatic

When you have clear goals and are determined and purposeful, backing those goals with unshakable self-confidence, you develop charisma. When you are enthusiastic and excited about what you are doing, when you are totally committed to achieving something worthwhile, you radiate charisma.

When you take the time to study and become an expert at what you do, and then prepare thoroughly for any opportunity to use your knowledge, skill or experience, the perception that others have of you goes straight up…right along with your Charisma Quotient!

Accountability Is Charismatic

When you take responsibility and accept ownership, without blaming others or making excuses, you experience a sense of control that leads to the personal power at the foundation of charisma. When you act like a winner in every respect, even when you're not winning… you build your charisma.

When you develop your character by setting high standards and then disciplining yourself to live consistently with the highest principles you know…you build your charisma.  When you become the kind of person who is admired and respected everywhere, you become the kind of person who radiates charisma to others.

Results are Charismatic

It's easy for people to be drawn to a dreamer who spins fantastic visions of success.  But if those visions consistently disappear into thin air, the appeal of the dream dissipates, too.

When you concentrate your energies on achieving goals that you've set for yourself or delivering results that others expect of you, you develop a reputation for performance and achievement that inevitably leads to the perception of charisma.

Exercise - Daily Goal-Setting and Goal-Achieving

Ask yourself daily, "What is the one thing that I and only I can do today, that if done well, will make a real difference to my personal or professional life?"   Whatever your answer is…that's your focus for the day. 

What happens if you don't achieve your daily goal.  It simply carries over to the next day and you continue your pursuit.  Does this make you a failure?  No!  Just the opposite.

Your focus on your goal and your consistent prioritizing of that goal is an appealing characteristic and a foundation of charisma.  

2 Steps For Using Charisma to Climb the Corporate Ladder

The Core Edge Image & Charisma Institute defines charisma as "the creation of illusions that impact the emotional and psyche of others through flair, finesse and glib language."

You can begin using charisma to climb the corporate ladder by:

Step 1 - Rising Above the Fray

With a greater propensity for layoffs and restructuring, employees spend a good deal of time in crisis mode, creating a climate of wild desperation. Victims jockey for alliances based on self-interest with attempts to attach their cart to a star performer.

In such situations, you should maintain a state of neutrality by remaining visibly committed to the corporate mission and objectives. This "staying the course" will heighten the interest of upper management to your abilities and make you the "go to" person when opportunities arise.

Remaining calm and collected while everyone else is panicking is the sure sign of a charismatic professional.

Step 2 - Walking in the Corridors of Power

You can increase your charisma with both your subordinates and your superiors through social capital by developing relationships with people who are decision-makers. 

Office life is a microcosm of the world and like the world, thrives on loyalty and trust.  Exemplifying a high degree of integrity coupled with the ability to inspire others through empathy, affords you a place in the Charisma Kingdom that only few achieve.

The Best of Times are The Worst of Times

A global economy in the Information Age has made the world much more competitive. However, the components that shape corporate ascension have not changed. In this era, personality, persistence and corporate savvy rule the day.

For those looking to climb the corporate ladder, it is not during the best of times that charisma is so valued.  It is the worst of times that create opportunity for a charismatic leader to step forward and with enthusiasm and personal magnetism, save the day.

Section  - Color Me Charismatic

Know Your Charisma Colors

Lots of research exists on the subject of color. You'll find complex theories about what colors mean, what they provoke in the viewer, and what they can tell you about the person who chooses them.

The study of colors can provide important insights on how the colors you wear and the colors that surround you affect others and provide you with more fuel to "rev up: your charisma.  

Colors and Moods

This is perhaps the most general and adaptable branch of color theory. At the highest level, colors are divided into two categories: cool colors (like lavender, blue-green, and blue) and warm colors (like red, orange, and yellow).

Different colors will

10  Help us feel grounded:  beige, tan, brown

11  Soothe our emotions:  peach, pink, blues, and greens.

12  Energize our spirits:  gold, black, burgundy, red, royal

Color Me Easy:

Of all the colors in the spectrum, green is the easiest on the eye.

Colors and Energy

Another way to look at colors is in terms of their relationship with our energy.

1     Colors that LIFT ENERGY

2     Yellows, reds, turquoise, and any bright colors. 

3     Colors that DRAIN ENERGY

4     Dark colors, especially browns.

5     Colors that CALM Energy

6     Light greens and pinks, and most pastel colors.

7     Colors that ATTRACT Energy

8     Rich purples, reds, and golds.

Colors and Chakras

The word chakra is derived from the Sanskrit word meaning wheel. Chakras are spinning vortexes of energy that correspond to different aspects of life. You have seven chakras total, spanning from the base of your spine to the top of your head.

It is believed that each chakra radiates a specific color. Some people believe that you can help harness the power of a chakra -- and thus work on specific areas of your life -- by bringing that color out in your environment (and clothing).

Likewise, if you find yourself drawn to specific colors more than usual, you can research the corresponding chakra and see if it corresponds to current issues in your life.

1     Red: Corresponds to the first chakra, which is at the base of your spine. This chakra relates to survival and your basic needs.

2     Orange: Corresponds to the second chakra, which is located at your abdomen. This chakra controls our ability to feel.

3     Yellow: Corresponds to your third chakra, which is located at your solar plexus. This chakra controls your will and ability to think rationally.

4     Green: Corresponds to your fourth chakra, which is located at the center of your chest. This chakra controls your heart, personal power, and healing.

5     Light blue: Corresponds to your fifth chakra, which is located at your throat. This chakra controls creativity, expression, leadership, and who you are in the world.

6     Deep blue, or indigo: Corresponds to your sixth chakra, which is located between your eyebrows. This chakra controls your intuition

The fifth chakra is also often referred to as your "third eye."

Purple: Corresponds to your seventh chakra, which is located at the top of your head. Called the "crown" chakra, this acts as our own personal guide in life.

Colors and the Charisma Power of Feng Shui

Feng Shui is the ancient Chinese art of creating environments that nurture your well-being. In other words -- creating charismatic environments.  The main idea behind Feng Shui is that the specific placement of objects within a space can harness the power of the earth's invisible energy force, known as ch'i. 

This placement theory is guided by a map, called the Bagua, and is divided into nine sections. Each section represents a different aspect of life (career, family, wealth, etc.) and is manifested by a specific color.

1     Red: Fame and reputation.

2     Pink: Relationship.

3     White: Children.

4     Grey: Helpful people -- these people can be friends, family, etc.

5     Black: Career.

6     Blue: Knowledge and spirituality.

7     Green: Family.

8     Purple: Wealth.

9     Yellow: Health.

If there's an area of life that you're trying to improve…rather than just an area in your house, that is…Feng Shui theorists suggest you find the corresponding Bagua color and add an element of it to your clothing to wear in that situation.

Section:  Speak Out for Charisma

Self-Expression Builds Charisma

People who express themselves fully are healthier, happier, more confident and energetic, and much more attractive than those who "hold it in."   That’s because expression of your inner thoughts and feelings releases negativity from your body and being.

Expression clears your body, mind and emotions of negativity allowing your life force to flow freely in your body. One of the healthiest things you can do for yourself is self-expression. 

"To express" means “to push out”.  When you allow yourself the freedom of self-expression, you externalize your inner thoughts and feelings which, as you've learned, is an important aspect of charisma.

When you're expressing your true self, you naturally radiate a light that glows from within.  Nothing is forced.  You feel relaxed and open to connect with others.  People can sense your openness and are drawn to you like a magnet.

Sounds like charisma to me!

Exercise - Self-Expression to Halt Depression (or Anger, Hostility…)

The next time you're about to snap from feeling angry, or perhaps the next time "life" has got you down or when you're just feeling low in energy, try this self-expression exercise and see what happens.

Go to a place where you have privacy and can make noise without feeling self-conscious.  Nothing special is required except two chairs. 

13  Place the two chairs so that they are facing each other.

14  Sit in one of the chairs yourself

15  Imagine that “The YouThat Feels Bad (or Sad or Mad or Low)” is seated in the other chair.

16  As though you were genuinely speaking to another person seated in that chair, say, “(Your name), I understand how you feel. You feel __________ and ________ and _________, etc.  I really understand all of that.”

17  Ask the other You, “Is there anything I don’t understand?”

18  Wait for a moment and then change chairs. 

19  Say out loud anything that comes to mind in response to the questions you've just asked yourself

20  Change chairs again and say, “Thank you for making that clear.  Now I understand that you also feel____.”  (This is the critical step.  Your goal is to rearticulate and set in your mind the priorities that you have just said aloud.)

21  Now lie down, relax and breathe.  Notice any difference. You may feel a little silly, but you may also feel more calm, energized and open to connect to others. 

Foolish Meter Warning:

The needle on your "I Feel Foolish" meter may head straight to the red zone the first few times you try this exercise.  Don't give in and don't give up.  As the power of the exercise begins to transform you by giving you the tools to express yourself clearly and authentically, you'll understand how helpful it is as a way to fine-tune your charismatic communication skills.

It's All Good!

The simple act of creatively expressing how you feel, releases the intensity and frees you for connection to others.  Instead of feeling muddled trying to figure you what you need and want, you'll be clear-headed and focused on the goals that matter most to you.

And in this way, self-expression can help you transform your life so you become all that you want to be -- charismatic!

Section:  The Dark Side of Charisma -

If Only They Used Their Powers for Good

Sadly some individuals who have the gift of charisma have misused this tool to manipulate and deceive followers to achieve personal gain or power. This has been a common problem throughout human history:  Adolph Hitler…Jim Jones…David Koresh.

For decades it was incorrectly believed by many people that all great political and religious leaders possessed a trait called charisma. This influential trait was defined as “those who arouse fervent popular devotion and enthusiasm."  It typically included a strong personal magnetism or charm.  Unfortunately,

Far too many people have actually defined leadership

as if it was synonymous with charisma!

(It's not)

Many military generals, business mavericks and athletic coaches have been quoted extensively to promote a “winning is everything” or the “only thing” approach to achievement or problem solving.

Recent news reports about political and business corruption highlights how certain individuals have misused charisma and their power of persuasion to abuse others for selfish personal gain.  It is true that when used effectively charisma can be a powerful motivating tool by those leaders who possess it. But this does not prove an exclusive link between leadership and charisma.

As a society, our focus should not be on those who have charisma but rather on those who live and lead with integrity. Author Jim Collins comments in his book “Good To Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap…and Others Don’t” (HarperCollins) that the difference between a good leader and a bad one is “the inner landscape of the leader”.

Study (and Follow) the Leaders

Collins spent five years studying business leaders who took their companies from good to great by maintaining outstanding performance for at least 15 years. His conclusion is that the good leaders were “ambitious first and foremost for their cause, for the company, for the work. Not for themselves. They are self-confident, not self-centered”.

He found that these leaders were “self-effacing, quiet, reserved, even shy – a paradoxical blend of personality, humility and professional will. They are more like Lincoln and Socrates than Patton or Caesar. 

It is a common cultural flaw to expect leaders to exhibit charisma or to closely link leadership with charisma. This flaw has led many down a path of frustration and disillusionment when the personal charisma of a leader proved to be self-absorbed and shallow.

Instead of charisma, our culture should focus on possessing leadership qualities like being trustworthy, genuine, honest and service-minded. These are the traits that reveal the “inner landscape of the leader” and provide a long-term motivation for others to follow.

Confucius says

“Humility is the solid foundation of all the virtues”.

Section:  Conclusion

Well, there you have it.  Some of it, at least.  Because the truth of the matter is, the pursuit of charisma -- like the pursuit of happiness -- is a lifelong endeavor.  There are hundreds of different theories about charisma, thousands of different resources, and millions of people…maybe even billions of people…who have embarked on the road to radiating enthusiasm, self-confidence, and compassion for others.

Fortunately, the trip to Charisma is a journey where every step is made easier by new revelations of wonder, joy, power, success and fulfillment.

Will you succeed in your goals regarding charisma?  That depends.  If your goal is to become more and more charismatic every day… If you want to relate better and more fully to other people…   If you dream of being able to lead by inspiration…  If you desire nothing more than to be open to the world around you and ready to receive all the gifts it offers (even when they come disguised as cow patties!)…then I believe

Nothing can stop you.

If, on the other hand, your goal is to develop "killer" charisma that you can use to manipulate others and bend them to your will… To develop the mere "appearance" of charisma by putting on its external trappings…

If that's what you're up to, then be prepared -- charisma will never be yours.

Whatever else it may be, charisma is genuine and is always a reflection of your character.

Charisma without Character

If you have charisma without character, it's only a matter of time before people find you out. Without character you cannot sustain meaningful relationships, and without relationships your ability to lead and influence others is anemic.

So what is it about a strong, honest character that is so important to charisma?  Consider this:

Character Lasts

There was a time when people who lacked integrity stood out from the crowd. Now the opposite is true -- charisma can make you stand out for a moment as a "flash in the pan" or "flavor of the week," but character will set you apart for a lifetime.

Character is Trustworthy

Some people are actually suspicious of charisma.  Having good character inspires trust.  Couple trust with charisma and you become a force that others want to be around.

Character Inspires Character

If you lead people, good character sets a standard for everyone who is following you. People can't emulate your charisma, but they can aspire to your character.  If leaders compromise on their standards, cheat the company, or take shortcuts, so will their followers.  And no amount of charisma can make that situation right.

Character Toughs It Out

During the rough times that all leaders face, character has the ability to carry you through, which is something that charisma can never do. When you are weary and inclined to quit, the self-discipline of character keeps you going.

Character Is In It For the Long Haul

Charisma, by its nature, doesn't extend very far. It usually produces a quick, blinding light, but then it's gone. Character, on the other hand, is more like a bonfire. Its effects are long-lasting. It produces warmth and light, and as it continues to burn it gets hotter, giving fuel that burns

brighter.

Character Makes Things Easier

If you're currently leading people, you probably have some measure of both charisma and character. The question is which one are you relying on to lead? The answer can be found in your response to this great question,

"As time goes by, does it get easier or harder to lead?"

Without character, charisma becomes harder to sustain. You constantly have to perform to get people to notice you.  But with character, as time goesyou’re your influence strengthens, builds, and continues to attract the people. And best of all, the ones who do come to enjoy your fire stay with you a lot longer than the ones who only want to see a show.

Success Equation:

Charisma + Character = Everything

Bonus -  Positive Power - # Affirmations to Support Your Charisma Quest

Our self-talk, the things we say to ourself, is very important because it directly effects our conscious and subconscious mind.  We listen to everything we say to ourself.

An affirmation is a statement that you make to yourself.  Everyone uses them intentionally or unintentionally.  You wake up in the morning, jump out of bed and exclaim "I feel great".  That is a positive affirmation.  You drag yourself out of bed in the morning and whimper "I feel rotten".  That is a negative affirmation.  Both statements help to maintain the emotional state you are in.

Because our affirmations work so well to maintain the state of mind we are in, we can use them to change that state of mind. True, it takes more work to change how we think and feel, but, if you follow these guidelines, the use of affirmations can become a strong, useful tool for helping yourself become happier and healthier.

4 Basic Guidelines to Creating Affirmations

The affirmation should be stated in the present tense.

Start with words like "I am ...  " or "I have ... ". You want to be telling your mind that it is taking place now. 

The affirmation should relate that what you want is already accomplished.  "I am happy now" is superior to and will work better than "I am becoming happy" or "I will be happy".     

The affirmation should be positive.

I feel safe" works but the affirmation " I am not scared" does the opposite of what you want.  It focuses your mind on the word "scared" and increases that feeling.  It is as if the word "not" didn't even exist.

      .  

The affirmation should be in your style of language.  "Energy, enthusiasm, and sparkling health are my birthright.  I accept these priceless treasures with gratitude, knowing that as I give out energy, more rushes in."  This is a very poetic affirmation, but does anyone really speak to themselves in this way?  I don't.

If I wanted to use this affirmation I would change it into my words that sound like me.  "I deserve to have energy, enthusiasm and good health.  I accept all of life's gifts.  The more energy I use, the more I will have."  This is more like the way I speak and think, so it will be easier for the affirmation to take root in the mind.

Patience, Please!

One problem many people have is impatience.  They use their affirmations on and off for a week or two and nothing happens so they quit.  It took us a long time to become the way we are.  Give your affirmations at least a serious 30 day try.

If what you are trying to change is a serious problem, you will probably need more than 30 days.  You might even need more than affirmations to produce the changes you seek.

Affirmations are just one of the tools of change.  Most of us will need more than one tool and longer than one month.  Used correctly, however, affirmations are a good tool and they do help us change, grow and heal. 

As you use your affirmations you will become more conscious of your thoughts, feelings and behavior and you will start thinking and feeling better about yourself.  As this happens, your behavior will begin to change in the direction you are trying to go. 

Sample Affirmations

To develop charisma:  ‘I project an inner warmth and genuine friendliness. I am self-aroused and independent. I am becoming a charismatic person.

To have a positive attitude: ‘I am self reliant, self-controlled, filled with independence and determination. I have great inner courage and project a positive self-image. I am confident, optimistic and look forward to new challenges and will emerge a winner.’

To eliminate stress: ‘I am at ease. I am at peace with myself, the world, and everyone around me. I am physically and emotionally relaxed and in complete balance and harmony. Ultimate relaxation is mine, I am relaxed, I am relaxed.

For wealth and success: ‘I have a desire to be wealthy and become wealthy. My creative mind opens the door to the palace of abundance. I create whatever I imagine. I am persistent, determined and ambitious.’

For weight loss: 'I am slim, trim, and lead a healthy lifestyle. I only eat healthy and nutritious food in small portions and always stick to my diet. I now weigh (your ideal weight here) and achieve it without any side-effects.’

For health and healing: 'Day by day in every way I am becoming healthier and healthier. My immune system functions at optimum efficiency and keeps me in good health. I choose perfect health and use the unlimited power of my mind to heal myself.’

To accelerate learning: ‘I have the ability to concentrate energy and accelerate learning. I am developing a photographic memory and remember everything I learn, I remain alert and focused and can instantly compare data.’

For self-discipline: ‘I have the self-discipline to accomplish personal and professional goals. I direct my time and energy to manifest my desires and increase my self-discipline. I am taking control of my life and I’m committed to my goals.’

For self-esteem:  ‘I am self-confident. I believe in my abilities and enjoy high self-esteem. My positive self-image generates success and happiness. I am proud of myself and do the things that make me proud.’

For goal achievement: ‘I have the power to do more things in less time. I am increasing my speed and productivity. My time is valuable and I use it wisely to achieve my goals.

For self-confidence: ‘I am reliant, self-confident, full of determination and independence. I have great courage and project a very positive self-image. Every day I am becoming more self-confident.’

To enhance creativity:  ‘Day by day I am becoming more creative. I draw creative inspiration from the universe and release unlimited power in my creativity so I am creative.’

For a powerful personality: ‘Day by day in every way I am becoming more aware of my strength. I am able to unleash my potential to direct and lead others. I have the power and ability to attain my goals. I am a powerful negotiator and get what I want. I am forceful and dynamic as required in situations.'

For inner peace: ‘I am at peace with myself and the world and everyone in it. I accept the things I cannot change in life. My mind is like calm water and that’s all I need. I now feel peaceful, balanced and harmonious and experience tranquillity, love and joy.’

For satisfaction and happiness: ‘I create my own space for happiness and satisfaction in my life. I accept what I cannot change and change what I can. I have the power and ability to create any reality in which I desire to live. I am happy and satisfied.’

To forgive and forget:  ‘I forgive and release my anger and expectations. I allow negativity to flow through me without affecting me. Every day I find it easier to forgive and release my expectations of others, I am liberating myself.

For creative visualization:  ‘I am visualizing what I want. I see it in my mind and set it to manifest. I can visualize my dreams into reality. I hold a clear picture in my mind and combine it with emotional desire.

To release guilt: ‘I am peaceful with myself and my past. I have forgiven myself. I learn from the past to create a positive future. Everyday I am at peace with myself. I am feeling better and better all over.

To combat worry and fear: ‘I am confident and secure. I am calm and optimistic. I feel powerful and in full control of myself. I am peaceful, balanced and harmonious. My mind is calm and thinks positive thoughts. I am in control of my life.’

To bring miracles into your life ‘This week I will manifest a miracle in my life. I am open to any miracle, large or small, that will change my life in a positive way. I receive what I desire, I live in abundance.’

To end addiction to alcohol: ‘I have stopped drinking. I have the inner strength to turn away from alcohol. I have stopped drinking to improve my relationships and thinking.

For improved sexual performance (men): ‘My body performs well during sex without having to think about it. A firm erection is my natural response to sexual stimuli. During sex I maintain a hard erection and delay ejaculation until I am ready. I am sexually vital and make love to my partner for a long time to their full satisfaction.’

For improved sexual performance (women): ‘My sexual desires are intense. I easily achieve intense orgasms during sex. I enjoy sex and respond openly and joyously to my partner. My orgasms are intense and I come easily.

For relationships: ‘My relationship with people is getting better and better. I openly communicate and share myself. I communicate directly and honestly. I accept others as they are without expectations. I experience good relationships, excitement and joy with people around me.

For improved concentration:  ‘Total concentration is mine. I have the power to focus my concentration at will. I remain alert and focused. I easily block thoughts unrelated to what I am working on. My goal of super concentration is easily achieved.’

Of course you'll want to create your own laser-focused affirmations so that you and your mind can team up for success on the important things that matter to you the most.

Bonus:  Charisma "Quick Reference" - 13 Tips to Remember

Charisma…the intangible quality that makes people admire you, follow you, and work for you just simply to be around you.

When you need a quick refresher to recharge your charisma batteries, just refer to the following list…a "baker's dozen" of tips to keep you on your charisma toes.

1.    Build up your self-esteem and self-confidence. Take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time.

2.    Celebrate your journey, not your destination.  Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3.    Set goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly.

4.    Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you.

5.    Treat each person you meet as if he or she is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)

6.    Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7.    Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name.

8.    Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name.

9.    Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.

10. Stay "in the moment."  Don't mentally cut off the other person.  Don't reload while he or she is speaking.

11. Don't interrupt.  Allow people to express themselves and don't anticipate what you think they're going to say 

12. Use sincere flattery. People do respond to flattery. But if you don't feel it, don't say it.

13. Sum up or restate often to make sure you understand what has just been said. This allows the other person to correct wrong assumptions right away, and lets him or her know that you are processing new information and are on top of the situation.

Charisma is a combination of how you sincerely feel about yourself.  But it is also the impression that people have of you and your ego. 

So please.  Don't go overboard. Be sure you walk the fine line that separates charismatic self-confidence from anti-charismatic arrogance.

A large part of charisma is really nothing more than good communication skills and they can be learned by anyone…the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker…and you!

Bonus:  Verbal Violence -- 63 Charisma-Killing Statements

As you've already learned, when it comes to charisma:  you are what you say.  The words and phrases you choose to express yourself will send one of two messages to people who are talking to you:

"I understand you and have empathy for your feelings"

or

"I don't understand you and have no empathy for your feelings.

Without realizing it, verbal violence may be a mainstay of your self-expression.  Digs, snipes, put-downs, and inappropriately upbeat truisms tell the person that you're speaking to that you're self-absorbed and insensitive…hardly the characteristics of the charismatic person you want to be.

When someone tells you they're stuck, tired, burned-out, depressed, etc., they're coming to you for solace, first and foremost.  Instead of giving a canned "chin up" speech or overwhelming them with solutions to what you perceive are problems, the first thing you should do is "give the people what they want" -- comfort.  After that, you can get into problem-solving.

The following phrases should be banished from your vocabulary, to be used in jest ONLY if you're sure the person you're speaking to is in on the joke, too.

Golden Nugget
These phrases should be banished from your self-talk, too. 

You don't need all that negativity running around in your head.

1.    "You are what you think."

2.    "Cheer up!"

3.    "You're always feeling sorry for yourself."

4.    "Why can't you just be normal?"

5.    "Things aren't *that* bad, are they?"

6.    "Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"

7.    "What's YOUR problem?"

8.    "Why don't you just grow up?"

9.    "You need a boy/girl-friend."

10. "You need a hobby."

11. "Just pull yourself together"

12. "Depression is a symptom of your sin against God."

13. "What are you worried about?  You should be fine."

14. "Just don't think about it."

15. "Go Away."

16. "You don't have the ability to do it."

17. "Just wait a few weeks, it'll be over soon."

18. "Go out and have some fun!"

19. "You're making me depressed as well..."

20. "The world out there is not that bad..."

21. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

22. "There are a lot of people worse off than you?"

23. "You have it so good, why aren't you happy?"

24. "You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed!"

25. "What do you have to be depressed about".

26. "Will you stop that constant whining?

27. What makes you think that anyone cares?"

28. "Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"

29. "You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."

30. "But it's all in your mind."

31. "You brought it on yourself"

32. "Get off your rear and do something."

33. "Just do it!"

34. "Why should I care?"

35. "Snap out of it, will you?"

36. "You *want* to feel this way."

37. "You have no reason to feel this way."

38. "Its your own fault."

39. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

40. "You're always worried about *your* problems."

41. "Your problems aren't that big."

42. "I thought you were stronger than that."

43. "No one ever said life was fair."

44. "As you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."

45. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."

46. "Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"

47. "Get a job!"

48. "Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone."

49. "You don't *look* depressed!"

50. "You never think of anyone but yourself."

51. "You're just looking for attention."

52. "Have you got PMS?"

53. "Everybody has a bad day now and then."

54. "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

55. "Why don't you smile more?"

56. "Happiness is a choice"

57. "You think *you've* got problems..."

58. "Well at least it's not that bad."

59. "Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress."

60. "There is always somebody worse off than you are."

61. "Lighten up!"

62. "You should get off all those pills."

63. "You need to get out more."