ddssdasdsa

Let's face it, most people play a losing game. To quote from Tyler Durden from the cult classic movie "Fight Club": We buy the stuff we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't even like.

That's the kind of life we're living. I know it sounds harsh. I know it sounds

judgmental, but it's also the truth. Unfortunately, for far too many of us, we equate having stuff with living worthy lives.

We equate the stuff that we wear, the stuff that we own, and the things we focus on with the quality of our lives. In fact, for far too many people, stuff or possessions are one and the same as self and self-worth.

This should not be a surprise because far too many people confuse price with value. We think that the more expensive something is, the more value it has, and we allow ourselves to feel worthwhile, appreciated, and acknowledged depending on the price of the stuff we have access to.

What is wrong with this picture? We live our lives based on what is expected of us instead of what we actually want for ourselves. Too many people live their lives based on values they uncritically and unthinkingly "copy and pasted" from others.

In fact, a lot of adult children are simply living their lives based on a script that they automatically imported from their parents. They did not stop to challenge the script.

In fact, a lot of people didn't even bother to read it at all. They feel that since their parents live a certain way and thought about things a certain way that they should do the same thing.

There is no attempt at any kind of analysis as to whether that script makes any sense as far as their lives are concerned. They don't think about a better fit between the script and the lives they are living out.

They don't consider whether the script has a specific historical or emotional context that may or may not be relevant today. They just automatically assume that since somebody they love and respect chose to live their life a certain way, then this path is the way forward.

It is no surprise that Americans, by and large, are not happy. The end result of everything I have described above is not pretty. We Americans are overmedicated. We are maxed out on our credit cards and are overstressed.

In spite of all the money, time, effort, and mental energy we spend on getting more and more stuff, we are nowhere close to being content.

We are actually nowhere near to living the kind of joyful life we initially sought out to achieve. The reason for this is actually quite obvious - we live cluttered lives. What makes this tragic is that we are not even aware of

 

Most people are so stressed out that they are not as effective as they could be. Their relationships suffer. They don't do a good job at work, they break down easily, and can barely handle challenges that life throws their way.

You have to understand that life is not smooth nor easy. Life, after all, is made up

of one unpleasant surprise after another. Some of these surprises can turn out to be positive if you prepare yourself properly.

Sadly, too many people choose not to do this because, at some level or other, they feel that they are entitled for things to be smooth, quick, easy, and convenient. It's no surprise that so many people are stressed out. Most people are so stressed that they are not as happy and content as they could be.

They focus on what they can get not just today, but tomorrow. They are focused on things that have already happened. They obsess about past failures, disappointments, and missed opportunities. They often engage in finding people and situations to blame for things that are going on in their lives in the here and now.

This is mental clutter. Unfortunately, a lot of people think that not only is this perfectly natural, but it actually defines who they are as individuals. That's right; you heard that correctly.

They believe that this is an integral part of their identity as human beings. Talk about missing the point. Talk about misreading the total picture.

Mental clutter, unfortunately, doesn't fall out of the sky. It doesn't appear at random. It is not something that you luck into. Instead, it is part of a larger equation. Believe it or not, physical clutter leads to mental clutter, and this produces a self-enforcing mechanism.

The more mental clutter you suffer from, the more you tend to create physical clutter around you. And when you see this in your physical surroundings, you stress out and create even more mental clutter. The process repeats itself over and over again.

It is a negative feedback loop that way too many of us are simply clueless about. If you are in any way, shape, or form unhappy with any aspect of your life, chances are quite high that you can trace that unhappiness and discontentment to mental clutter.

This toxic feedback loop holds people back from the life of victory, success, and happiness they could otherwise be living.

The worst part of this is that it's invisible. In fact, a lot of us justify this or make excuses for this to the point that this is what defines us. If somebody were to come into our lives to try to simplify things, don't be surprised if you put up a fight.

If somebody told you that a lot of the things that you're holding on to are unnecessary or even downright toxic, you would not be alone if you were to push back. You might even be thinking, "How dare you question me?", "How dare you insult me? This is part of who I am."

This is how people instinctively respond to any kind of decluttering maneuver imposed from the outside. I raised this issue because if you want to change, you have to want to change. It's one thing to mentally accept that you have to change, but it's another to let that mental awareness sink into the level of your emotions.

That is crucial because unfortunately, until and unless you develop a sense of emotional urgency regarding what you need to do, nothing will get done. Somewhere along the way, you would put up some sort of justification.

At some point in time, you would come up with a range of excuses. Now, a lot of this is not obvious. In fact, in many cases, it seems like you're saying or thinking about the most natural things in the world.

This is how people trip themselves up systematically. They know that things have to change. They know that they are far from happy. They know that they are not living a life based on their fullest potential. They know what is wrong.

They can make sense of all of this on an intellectual level, but until and unless this sinks to the level of the heart, no progress is possible because ultimately, they don't believe it. They don't feel it.

What is at stake?

When you stress yourself out because of mental and physical clutter, it doesn't end with you. You're not some sort of self- contained organism that can hold in all these conflicting signals and emotions.

Instead, you end up infecting the people around you.

This negative feedback loop between your

material possessions, material environment and your mental and emotional state also plays out in your personal relationships.

Just as physical clutter stresses you out and your mental clutter produces even more physical clutter, when you are filled with all sorts of toxic emotions, ideas, attitudes, and mindsets, don't be surprised if this leaks out. This creates divisions, misconceptions, misunderstandings, and guess what happens - your relationships get worse and worse.

Now, this doesn't necessarily mean that all your relationships will blow apart. Things are not that dramatic. Instead, you might end up with passive-aggressive arrangements.

You mind end up in a situation where you are sabotaging each other to emotionally get back at each other. This can take many different forms but they all lead to the same place - your relationships.

Instead of building you up and leading to a mutual emotional, psychological, and spiritual health, it ends up becoming yet another toxic feedback loop. You stress yourself out, you stress the other people around you, and the cycle repeats itself over and over again. It is kind of like a downward spiral.

The worst part of all of this is that you feel that you can't let go. You feel that you have to keep doing what you are doing because to let go means that you miss out, you get left behind, or you are somehow or someway put in some sort of disadvantage.

I know this sounds almost impossible. It definitely is very frustrating, but the good news is that you can break out of this. And what is really surprising is that the solution is actually simpler than you think.

It all centers on the concept of clutter and the many different forms it takes. By simply deciding to be more proactive and effectively dealing with clutter in your life, you can go a long way in living the kind of life you want for yourself.

It doesn't matter how old you are. Maybe you are 50, 60, 70, or you are 18 years old. You are never too old nor too young to start decluttering your life. I will see you in chapter 2.

10

A lot of people are actually quite discouraged the moment they realize that a lot of their frustrations can be traced to the fact that they have too much clutter. Whether it's physical, mental, emotional, psychological; clutter tends to get the better of us. It happens even to the very best of us.

At some point in time, you just run into that wall. In fact, a lot of people are aware that they just have too many things going on. Either they are dealing with stuff from the past, or they are confronted with challenges today.

This often translates into unreasonable worries and fears regarding what's about to happen. In other words, they’re worried sick. Most people can understand the impact of clutter. In fact, they don't need other people to tell them that this is what's going on.

The good news is you can do something about it. This is where a lot of people get pretty weird. Believe it or not a lot of individuals get so used to their personal clutter that thinking of life

without such mental obstacles and assumed realities seems downright foreign or even alien to them.

A lot of people would dismiss “decluttering” talk as empty theory. They think people are speculating. They readily dismiss such ideas as flat-out impractical. I've got great news for you.

This is not theoretical. This is not just people bouncing ideas together and wondering what could be. This is real. How come? You can actually get measurable results, you can actually see the impact of decluttering and the best part of all of this is that you take the lead. It's you calling the shots.

Why Do You Need to Do This?

Even if you were able to talk to people into accepting the possibility that they can get rid of their clutter, interestingly enough the next question that they would ask you is “Why even do it?” I know it sounds strange.

After all, a lot of people understand that the reason they're suffering, struggling and not exactly living their lives to their fullest

potential is because of clutter. They would almost instantly ask, “Why should I do this? What's in it for me?”

You might be tempted to blurt out “Isn't it obvious?” Well, to spell it out, decluttering enables you to become a more effective person. I don't mean to the sound basic and utilitarian, but that's really what it boils down to.

If you are worried sick, anxious all the time, fearful of the past or suffering a wide range of other issues, you're not all that effective. This gets in the way of your contentment. Your relationships tend to suffer.

Sooner or later, this lingering discontent that you feel, which boils up to the surface in different forms simply gets the better of you. All your focus is diffused, and you end up spreading yourself too thin.

When you learn to effectively declutter, you become a more contented person and this enables you to focus on what truly is important. Ultimately, this leads to a life of freedom.

People who are worried all the time are not enjoying their freedom. They're not. They’re walking around trapped in invisible mental prisons. Either you're all caught up about the past or you’re worried sick about what will happen. It all leads to the same place.

You have a tremendous amount of potential. You can do so many things. You can change your reality based on what you want it to be yet you choose to stay where you are.

You choose to box yourself in, and it's not like somebody is standing over you with a big gun pointed at your head. You're doing this to yourself. You’re cheating yourself of a life of freedom, possibility and a sense of adventure.

In this chapter, I’m going to just give you an overview of the seven steps you need to follow to become clear of all the forms of mental clutter you are struggling with. Please understand that this is not a race. The objective here is not to skip from step to step until you get to the end.

Believe me if you get there too quickly, you're doing something wrong. You should instead dwell on each step until you master it. You stay at each step until it becomes easy. In fact, you should stay long enough until it becomes almost second nature to you. Then and only then should you move on to the next step.

Here is your seven-step plan for a less-cluttered life: Step 1: Get clear

Step 2: Start with what you can see Step 3: Get rid of emotional clutter Step 4: Get rid of psychological clutter

Step 5: Get rid of career clutter Step 6: Enjoy more with less

Step 7: Learn the art of contentment

These seven steps are not set in stone. Everybody is different. We all come from different backgrounds. We all have different experiences. When you go through these steps, customize them to your set of circumstances.

I don't want you to think even for a moment that these seven steps are some sort of magical, mystical formula for a perfect life. No, that’s not the impression that I want you to walk away with. Instead, this is a framework and just like any framework, you have to tweak, modify and change them to fit the reality that you are dealing with.

Everybody is different. Everybody looks at the world from different perspectives. Everybody has different ghosts and demons and skeletons in their closets. Accordingly, these steps need to be remolded, tweaked a little and adjusted to fit your circumstances so they produce results for you.

Again, this is not some sort of magic-bullet, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all solution. I’m sorry to be the one to say this to you, but no such solution exists. Instead, this is a framework that requires your active participation to customize and tailor-fit it to your particular personal reality. I hope that's clear. Let’s jump in to chapter 3.

 

The first step in clearing away whatever form of clutter that fills your life is to get a real understanding of what is going on in your life. This is your personal strategy for less clutter.

Please understand that getting clear about clutter doesn't mean that you are going to resolve to eliminate all clutter in your life.

That's not gonna happen. Instead, you’re going to work on a strategy for less clutter.

I hate absolutes precisely because they're impossible. To say that you're going to resolve to have absolutely no clutter is really setting yourself up for disappointment later on.

Your goal should be to just lessen the clutter that you have. As it stands now, you are probably dealing with so much clutter that you really don't have any perspective.

Everything is distorted. Everything is warped. Everything is off-center. This, of course, leads to a very imbalanced view not only of your life, but your place in the world, who you are, what you’re capable of, whether you’re worthy or not and other profound issues.

You have to create your very own personal strategy for less clutter so you can stop thinking that you have to spend money that you don't have on stuff that you don't need to impress people that you don't even like.

This is the key. It’s the beginning. It's the first step but it is crucial.

If you're still unclear as to where to start, you need to first pay attention to the five signs that you are living a cluttered life. If any of these are present in your life, you are dealing with clutter.

You have to understand that clutter, just like with a lot of things, is easy to spot in the beginning. Eventually, you get accustomed to it. It becomes part of your mental landscape.

In fact, if you were to clear the way overnight so there is some sort of black-and-white difference in your perception before and after you took away the clutter, you will actually miss it. I know it’s shocking considering its effect on your attitude, mindset, emotions, relationships and capacity for action, but this is the absolute truth.

Here are the five signs you are living a cluttered life:

Sign #1: Angst

Do you feel like something is missing in your life? You can't quite put your finger on it, but regardless of what you do, regardless of who you're with and regardless of the stuff that you have around you, it seems that there's something missing.

It seems that somehow, some way the big jigsaw puzzle of your life just can’t seem to fit together neatly and nicely. Somehow, some way you feel that there's something defective. Something is “off.” Things don't quite fit and, at some level or another, it's bothering you.

What's really frustrating about this is that this comes and goes. Sometimes it’s very pronounced, but oftentimes it's just kind of like a low-level, background, emotional noise. You know it's there, but it's not so pressing and so imposing that it actually irritates you. At the end of the day, you still know it's there.

Think of it like psychological peanut butter stuck at the top of your mouth. Have you ever had peanut butter stuck at the roof of your mouth? Annoying, right? However, as you continue to eat, you start getting used to it but, at the back of your head, you know it's still there. You drink what seems like a gallon of milk, but it's still there.

Sign #2: Anxiety

Do you worry constantly? Do you think in worst-case scenarios? Has this ever happened to you?

You worry yourself sick about what somebody is going to say, what they will do and how things will line up in the future, but things actually turned out okay. Things are far from ideal but, at least,

they're not the complete and total unmitigated disaster you had imagined.

Has this ever happened to you? Did you feel any sense of relief when your worst fears did not materialize?

If you're suffering from anxiety, you never get that sense of relief because by the time you see that your old fears about a certain event that was supposed to happen at a certain date did not come to pass, you're already thinking about something else.

You're like working yourself up to greater and greater levels of frustration and fear only to see that things really aren't that bad. However, instead of feeling happy, content or relieved, you’re working yourself up over something else. This goes on and on and on.

It’s as if you have this sword that's right on top of your head and, at any given time, it will fall, and you're just going to get hurt really badly. You don't know when. You can't even picture how it will play out yet, for some reason or another, you feel that you're going to suffer some sort of loss or some sort of harm.

Right before you're about to burn out, things clear up but, by that point, you’re worried about something else.

In fact, in certain situations, you suffer so much anxiety that you physically get sick. Maybe you rock yourself for comfort, or you engage in some sort of personal ritual to center your mind or triggers some sort of emotional calm.

Sign #3: You need more, more, more

Have you ever wondered about stuff that makes you happy? There are things in your life now that make your happy at some level or other. Have you ever wondered that if you were to get more of that stuff, you will be happier?

A lot of people think along these lines. A lot people think that if they just have the

right car, live in the right part of town, live in a big-enough house, move around in the right social circles, then they will have everything they need.

Sure enough through enough planning, they're able to get stuff. However, their enjoyment and personal joy lasts a very short time. Soon enough, they're back to where they began and they need more and more and more.

There's actual psychological science to this. According to a fairly recent study, money does make people happy. I know that's not politically correct. You're not supposed to I say that. However, it's actually scientifically proven.

Yes, when you buy stuff, it makes you happy. There is a measurable rush, a sense of fulfillment, a sense of completion, a sense of relief mixed with joy. This is real. The problem is, after some time, that feeling goes away. You are then looking to buy more stuff to get that feeling again.

Does it sound familiar? Well, it should. This is a classic addiction cycle. It’s no different from a sugar rush, as well as a cocaine, methamphetamine or heroin experience. You get that nice, little surge of great feelings in the beginning, then it dwindles so you look for it again. However, the next time you get that experience it's never as good as the first time.

I know this sounds crazy, but nothing really beats the first time you bought a car. It’s your very own. I still remember my first car. It was a 1971 Toyota. It looked like a sardine can on wheels, but it didn't matter. I loved that car.

Now, I’m on my fifth SUV and I can tell you with all sincerity and honesty that the rush that I get when I sign on the dotted line at the auto dealer to drive home my new SUV is never as intense as when I got that first beat-up Toyota compact. It doesn't even come close.

Right now, I’m at this stage of my life where when I buy a new car, it's basically like trading in old shoes. You know, after so many years, things start to fall apart, and the ride and the handling aren’t exactly like they were before. So, I just buy the latest model. It's become a routine.

However, when I first laid my eyes on my first car, it was magic. There was a mixture of anticipation, a sense of discovery. I mean it smelled old because it was at least fifteen years old when I bought it, but it was mine. It also helped that I was 17 at that time. However, you get my point.

When you buy stuff to feel happy, it's like a sugar rush. The great feeling is undeniable. It exists. It's measurable. However, the problem is it's a temporary. You crash, and then you hunger again for that rush so you buy and buy and buy, and guess what? It doesn’t plug in that need permanently. You're kind of like a rat chasing its tail.

Sign #4: You feel that there is never enough

Have you ever sat down and thought about what you have, what you've accomplished and who you are as a person and, in all honesty, said, “Yeah, I have enough”? Chances are if you are like the average American or Western European, the answer would be a big, fat no. You're always looking over your shoulder.

What does your neighbor have? Do they go on a vacation every quarter? Why aren’t you doing the same thing? Are they rolling in on a new BMW? Why can they do that when you can’t? Do they have new stuff? Do they seem happier based on their Facebook updates?

You get what I’m trying to get at. You feel that whatever you have accomplished and whatever you have gathered, bought, borrowed, rented is simply not enough. Now, don't get me wrong. Obviously, you feel that there's enough in terms of numbers.

However, in terms of quality, fulfillment, value, worth and everything else, there's just so much more out there. You have a lot on your hands, but you're constantly looking at bigger, better, brighter things.

Sign #5: You’re worried about losing it all

Interestingly enough, most people feel that they don't have enough but they're worried sick, at some level or other, about losing the stuff that they don't have enough of. Quite an irony, right?

If you put all these signs together, you are living a cluttered life. The mental, psychological as well as physical clutter

surrounding you both inside and outside prevent you from living a truly meaningful, purposeful and effective life.

Don’t be surprised if you feel that each day simply blends into the other, and there’s really not much point or purpose behind each day. You go to your job, you put in eight hours and it basically feels just like the same eight hours that you put in day after day. Each day is not really all that much different from the days that preceded it.

You look forward to more stuff that you can buy, but by the time you buy them, you want to buy other stuff. You look forward to your vacation but by the time you have finished your vacation, you can’t wait for the next one. It’s like this endless, pointless circle. The more you run, the more you stay in place. You tire yourself from running in place.

Get Clear by Figuring Out What is Truly Important to You

Now that you have analyzed your life based on the five signs of clutter I described above, figure out what truly is important to you. Here’s a hint. If you’re like most people, what truly is important has nothing to do with stuff. If you’re like most people, it’s not your possessions.

They’re not the most important to you.

Unfortunately, I cannot give you the answer because you have your own life. We come from different walks of life. We have different experiences. We have different values and characters. You have to supply the answer to this.

However, I have already given you a very important hint. It has nothing to do with possessions. Ask yourself what is truly important in my life. What would I trade everything for? What would I give everything up for?

At this point, these are really big questions. Considering what you’ve been going through before, these questions may almost seem unanswered. Believe me I’ve been where you are. I understand what you’re going through. To simplify things, do a values audit.

Values Audit 101

How do you audit your values? Very simple. Just whip out a piece of paper and ask yourself assuming I don’t care about what other people think of me, and assuming that I’m not supporting anybody else or I’m responsible for anybody else, what would I want to do even if I’m not getting paid to do it?

Write down a long list. Write down the first thing that comes to your mind. Don’t edit yourself. Remember there’s no right or wrong answer here because the right answer to me may be pointless to you and vice versa. Remember this is all about you. This is about your values. This is about your character.

Don’t worry about people thinking that you may be shallow or your values are too weird or you’re stupid. Forget about that. Focus on what’s real. Honestly list down the things that really drive you.

These are your values. At some level or another, they inform your life to the extent that you wake up every day and go through your day because you are informed by these values.

Without these values, you won’t get that energy.

You won’t get that motivation. It would be too easy to just stay in bed because whatever you do in life really wouldn’t matter because there’s nothing driving you. That’s what I’m trying to discover. That’s what I want you to remind yourself of. So, do a values audit.

Here’s the trick. List down everything. Be completely honest with yourself. Even if you know it’s negative, even if you think that it’s embarrassing or it somehow puts you in a negative light, write it down. List it out. Don’t edit yourself.

Do a Values Detox

Now that you have listed down the stuff that’s important to you, ask yourself is this important to you because it really gives you meaning? Does it give purpose to your life? Does it make life worth living? Does it trigger your sense of adventure? Does it engage your powers of imagination?

Alternatively, do you prize something

because that’s what you’re supposed to like? Have your parents been telling you since you were a little kid that you’re supposed to be a certain way, that you’re supposed to desire certain things and that you’re supposed to look at life from a certain vantage point?

Do you hang around certain people who look at the world from a particular perspective and do you see that in your values?

Filter you values based on what you personally chose and external considerations. Maybe you’re doing things or desiring things because that’s what’s expected of you. You kind of just automatically snapped into it. When you became an adult you just quickly bought into what your parents were into.

I need you to separate these two things because they’re very different from each other. So, do yourself a big favor. List down in one column values that you know came from you and are fully your own. In another column, put “From the Outside” and then list down those values.

This is how you detox because we’re going to focus on your own values. You’re going to try to get out from under values imposed on you or things you absorbed from other people.

This is the first step of decluttering. You let go of external stuff. You focus on values that came from you. We’re gonna clean that up, but first we need to step away from externally imposed clutter.

 

The first thing that you are going to work with as far as your decluttering campaign goes is the visible stuff. We're talking about tangible things. You're going to clear out physical stuff that gives you mental, psychological, emotional and spiritual clutter.

This sounds great, but the problem is you

can’t just jump in with both feet. You can't just get all pumped up about taking care of possessions that have somehow some way along the line possessed you instead.

You have to have a game plan. If you are really just emotional about this from the get-go, chances are you will start missing the things you have put away. Sooner or later, you will get back to where you began.

You have to have some sort of game plan coming in. Again, as the old saying goes, if you fail to plan, you're actually planning to fail. This is absolutely true when it comes to decluttering.

What you need to do is to first begin with what you're trying to achieve. In other words, focus on the question “why?” I know at this point you're probably thinking, “Isn’t it obvious? All these things are dragging me down.

They’re holding me back from the life that I know I deserve. All this mental clutter is just sapping my energy. It's obvious that this physical stuff, my possessions which I worked so hard to accumulate actually has a toxic effect on me. Isn’t it obvious?”

Well, you might be surprised as to how inefficient you could be when decluttering stuff because at some point you will come across some things that you're going to compromise with yourself over.

You know that it is very toxic. You know that it prevents you from moving on but, for some reason or another, you can't let it go. It has that much of an emotional hold on you.

If you don't have a clear understanding of why you're doing this, you will fall into this trap again and again and again.

Begin with a game plan. Focus on why you're doing things in the first place. What is the great objective? What do you stand to gain? What do you stand to lose?

Do yourself a big favor and write all of this down. It's one thing to keep all of this in your mind. However, let's face it we have all sorts of minor crises breaking out in our lives every once in a while. Guess what happens when such a crisis flares up? That's right. You forget about supposedly high-priority items.

Don't allow this to happen. Write everything down. Read it every morning as you think of the things that you are going to have to clear out of your life. Pay attention to what's at stake.

Remember it.

Sure, there are going to be points where it's going to get very uncomfortable to let go of stuff. However, if you have everything down in writing, and you constantly read your reasons, you will be fine. You will be able to stick to the plan.

I have some bad news for you. Even the best-laid plans, the ones that make all the sense in the world, fall apart if we're not careful. Why? Lack of consistency. At some point in time, you run out of juice. You just run out of steam. You can’t do it anymore.

You think you're the first person to come up with a decluttering plan? I’m sorry to report but the vast majority of people who planned to declutter their life flat-out failed. It's not because they're dumb. It's not because they don't have the resources.

Many have the time. Many were motivated. Many were driven by a tremendous amount of passion. Still, they failed. Why? They did not stick to it.

It really boils down to having a plan. I know it might seem basic, but you’d be surprised as to how powerful simple solutions can be. By simply writing down your game plan and why you're doing it, you have a tool that would enable you to put in the work day after day week after week, month after month, year after year.

It doesn't matter what side of the bed you woke up on. It doesn’t matter what you're feeling like. It doesn’t matter if things are going wrong in your life. You're going to stick to it again and again and again.

That's how you achieve a serious breakthrough. I don't mean to discourage you, but you're up against a tremendous amount of resistance. If you are anything like the typical person, you define yourself based on your possessions. This might not be obvious, but deep down inside, it’s true.

Deep down inside you're thinking, “Well, I live here. I associate with these people. I went to this school. I buy this stuff.” Soon enough, those external things end up defining you.

They also end up limiting you. They determine what you can do and what you cannot do or at least what you feel you’re incapable of doing.

You have to have a game plan, and it has to be written. You have to revisit it each and every day for you to make progress. Do that first.

Commit to a Change in Your Personal Acquisition Patterns

Before we go any further, I just want this to be clear. I’m not saying that you should get rid of all your possessions.

should never acquire stuff again in your life.

I’m not saying that you should shave your head, wear a saffron robe, go up to the highest hill far, far away and live your life in a secluded Buddhist monastery. I’m not saying any of that nor am I saying that you

Instead, the game plan that I want you to come up with involves changing your relationship with stuff. Prior to this point, you've let stuff define you. Sooner or later, your possessions start possessing you. Things that you own, own you.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's the truth. It happens all the time. Sooner or later, people live their lives based on what they can consume and what they possess.

However, regardless of how much they eat, how much they consume, how much they accumulate, how much they acquire, they’re never fulfilled. They are afflicted with a hunger that actually scales up over time.

If you need proof of this, think back to when you were 20 years old and living in college dorms. I remember when I was living at the dorm back in the San Francisco Bay Area I was very happy to eat two bowls of ramen a day.

That was my definition of a great meal. If I’m feeling extra luxurious, I would go to Central San Francisco and eat at this Vietnamese restaurant that had this amazing fried rice dish for $3.

These simple pleasures were born of the fact that I was on a scholarship, and I had to live on

$20,000 a year. That $20,000 a year paid for my schooling and my room and board. This means that I really did not have that much money left over.

However, that was my life, and I was extremely happy. I had friends. We would always go out. We would do stuff that's free or nearly free.

I still look back to those days, and they were the best years of my life, and those years did not come with a big price tag.

Fast forward to today, and it's a completely different picture. The price tag of my life kept going up as I started to make more money. Once I graduated, my expectations changed.

I had to get a nice apartment in a nice part of town. That's the only way I can remind myself that I am moving up the economic ladder, that I was “making something out of myself.”

When I got promoted at a corporate job, my expectations went up again. When I got married, it went up some more. When I finished graduate school, it went up a lot, and then when I had a child, it just reached the stratosphere. It goes on and on and on.

I’m sharing this with you because I want you to zero in on a basic truth.

If you focus on what you really need, it will quickly dawn on you that you really don't need all that much. Do you really need that BMW in the garage? Do you really need that 5000 square- foot house?

You're going to have to focus on what you really need and who you really are. Between these two lies the answer. Again, this is not a one-size-fits-all template that I can cram down anybody’s throat regardless of where they come from in the world.

No, it doesn’t work that way. You have to ask these questions to yourself. You have to honestly answer so you can come up with a plan.

You have to ask yourself, “What do I really need to be me and who am I really?” Once you answer these questions, then you would have a map as to what your proper relationship to possessions should be.

What you're doing here is you are trying to figure out what you can commit to because once you commit, you're going to have to do it regardless of what happens next. It doesn’t matter what you feel like. It doesn’t matter what else is going on in your life. You're going to stick to it day after day after day.

Focus on what you can commit to. Regardless of the specific answer you come up with, I want you to zero in on the fact that the change that you're going effect in your life must be all about changing your relationship with your possessions. This means that you’re going to have to change your personal acquisition patterns.

This does not mean that you’re not going to buy anything ever again. Instead, what this means is that you’re going to change how you’re going to acquire stuff because it must now be centered and/or focused on your personal meaning. Are we clear?

Now, let’s go to decluttering. We’re going to be cutting out the stuff that holds you back and drags you down.

Do It!

By this point, you are committed to changing your personal acquisition patterns. You also have a game plan as to what you’re trying to achieve. You’re clear on the objective. You understand why you’re doing things. Now, let’s get down to what you should do. You have committed to doing this. Let’s focus on what you should be doing.

Start with the 80/20 Rule. What if I told you that 20% of the stuff you own accounts for 80% of your results, happiness and contentment? Sounds crazy, right?

Well, look at all your possessions. I would venture to guess that around 80% of those items are things you don’t even use on a regular basis and of those things that you think you use, a lot of them are ornamental in nature.

They just make you feel good if you look at them. If you devote any kind of thought to them, they give you some sort of positive feedback but, by and large, they really do nothing.

If you were to list down all your possessions, 20% will stand out because these are the things that you always use. These are the things that produce positive mental states on a regular basis. These impact your personal effectiveness, happiness and contentment on a sustained, regular and conscious basis.

Get rid of the 80%. I know this is easier said than done but, actually, if you list down the 80% and sort them in descending order of emotional attachment, you actually have a lot of stuff you can give away, sell or exchange. Whatever you do, get rid of the 80%.

Start at the bottom. Start with the stuff that you really don’t care about. This is stuff that is obviously clutter to you. There’s no question. This stuff is just hogging precious space. However, as you move up that scale, that’s when things get real because it gets closer and closer to your comfort zone.

However, you have to stick to the plan. You have to say to yourself, “This stuff possesses me. I don’t possess it. It’s holding me back. It’s toxic.”

Focus on the 20% that truly matters, and get rid of the 80%. You don’t have to do this overnight. You don’t have to put out an ad on Craigslist, hang up a garage sale sign over your door. However, you have to do this. Create a timeline. Get rid of the clutter. Focus on the 20%.

Remember What Matters

weight.

I wish I could tell you that changing your personal acquisition patterns is a simple one-step process. I wish I could tell you it’s some sort of bright line on a calendar somewhere that once you hit that date and you do what you’re supposed to do, things are better permanently. It doesn’t work that way. It’s like trying to lose

If you’ve ever gone on a diet, you know that the first few days or even weeks, you’re doing really well. The pounds just melt off. You feel really good about yourself. Every time you look in the mirror, you see this very beautiful or very handsome person.

You feel like you’re on top of the world. However, sooner or later, that weight comes back. Why? You did not remember your game plan. You didn’t focus on what’s important.

This is not just a simple matter of getting rid of stuff. Anybody can do that.

Let’s get real here. If this is all just about getting rid of stuff, most people can do this. Instead, you should focus on changing your mindset. You’re changing how you think about stuff and what your relationship is to stuff in your life.

This is what requires heavy lifting. This is what can get uncomfortable, but you have to do it. Stick to the plan. From time to time, you will come across some sort of shiny object.

You might stumble upon some gadget or trinket that just seems so irresistible. That’s when things get real because when you remember your game plan, you present yourself with a choice.

Unfortunately, a lot of people forget the game plan so they just stumble back into that acquisition pattern. They strengthen their old habits, they feed it and they end up where they began. Remember your strategy.

Be Thorough

It’s easy to clear out stuff that are obviously status symbols. It’s easy to get rid of stuff that are obviously trinkets, gadgets and things that really don’t add much value except for maybe some sort of emotional reward. You have to go past status symbols. Look at items that give you comfort. There’s a lot to work with there.

You have to understand that if an item gives you comfort, you are just using that item as some sort of mental mirror. Real comfort, assurance and a sense of worth or meaning can only come from you. You’re using that item as a prop. You’re bouncing off these mental signals off that tangible item.

Your job is to remove the item and go straight to the source. It is you giving yourself that meaning. It is you allowing yourself to feel that way. Cut out the middle man. Focus on within.

 

This is a good segue to what we will focus on in chapter 5. After you have gotten rid of the 80% of physical clutter, you have to start looking at all your other acquisitions. This can be non material. I’m talking about attitudes, mental trends, mental clutter, mindsets, assumptions, expectations, misconceptions.

Believe it or not these are harder to get rid of. Why? Like I mentioned, a lot of the physical stuff that we buy are actually just mirrors. Their real value is based on what’s going on in our heads. They remind us of ideas that we possess in our minds.

Get rid of those ideas, and you would not have to need stuff that mirrors that. That is the real project. As uncomfortable as clearing up a lot of this physical stuff may be, this doesn’t compare to the kind of heavy lifting that you would have to do inside your head. That is our big project in chapter 5.

As I mentioned in the introduction to this training, your physical clutter triggers the emotional clutter. Emotional clutter in turn triggers other forms of internal clutter, which pushes you to engage in hoarding behavior, or other personal acquisition patterns that lead to physical clutter.

This physical clutter then speaks to your

internal clutter, and the whole process repeats itself again. You end up in a downward spiral. You’re sending all the negative signals to yourself, and you end up thinking and doing things that drive you further down this hole.

While taking care of physical clutter definitely can go a long way in helping you deal with internal issues, you have to take the next step and deal with this internal clutter.

Otherwise, regardless of how much stuff you cut out of your life, you will eventually get back to where you began. You have to understand that, by and large, the physical clutter that we assemble or hoard in our lives is simply a stand-in for our emotional issues.

As I mentioned in the previous chapter, we buy stuff not because we need but because we read all sorts of meanings into it. Let’s face it. If you are looking for a car, you can do just as well buying a Kia.

It gets you from point A to point B. It keeps you nice and warm, and dry when it's raining outside. It has air-conditioning. In other words, it takes care of the basics, but people don't buy Kia's. Instead, they long for and desire Ferrari's, Lamborghini's, Mercedes Benzes, BMWs, Maserati's.

In other words, you're not really buying stuff because of the needs that purchase addresses. Instead, you’re buying stuff because of the emotional signals or emotional reality you're reading into that stuff that you are purchasing. Be clear about this because this is the enabler of emotional clutter.

As I mentioned above, there is a call-and-response pattern here. You buy stuff because you're feeling empty inside. You buy stuff to comfort yourself.

The more stuff you have, the more you need because you keep feeding that emotional hole which is perpetually hungry. You have to deal with that emotional hole after you've taken care of the physical component of clutter.

How do you do this? Well, you have to change your emotionally stressful habits. This is the first step.

If you spend a lot of time with social media, you are doing yourself a big disservice. You really are. Why? When people post their updates, they’re showing you pictures of their “perfect life.”

Nobody is going to post snapshots of themselves getting into a heated argument with their significant other. Nobody is going to post video footage of them getting fired from their job. Nobody is going to post snapshots of their bills coming due and their bank account’s zero balance. Nobody does that, at least nobody in their right frame of mind.

Instead, what you get are snapshots of the parts of their life that are going right. You get a nice picture of a family going out for lunch. Everybody dressed really nice. You get nice,

underhanded shots of the new BMW in the driveway. Of course, they’re not coming out and slap you in the face with the BMW logo.

They will come up with creative ways to let you know about their new acquisition. Maybe somebody would post “Check out the new bike I got,” and they have a really nice, decent- looking bike, and right behind it is a Bentley. You know the drill. You've been around the block. You know how this works.

Unfortunately, if you immerse yourself in that kind of stimuli, you are caught in a social signal “soup”. You're just beating yourself up. You’re essentially comparing the reality of your life with the false reality projected by other people. It's a losing game. You might as well box somebody with a hand tied behind your back.

I hope you get the analogy. They're in perfect shape because they’re showing you the part of their life that is going right. They don’t show you the cocaine addiction. They don't show you the infidelity. They don't show you the cancer or HIV.

Instead, they show you what's going right. They show you the perfect side of their lives. In fact, a lot of people who do this, do this to reassure themselves. They’re not really bragging. They’re just telling themselves, “Somehow some way at least some thing is going right in my life.”

The problem is you’re soaking this all up and the message that you're getting is: “I’m not getting enough. My life sucks compared to this person.” The funny thing about comparison, at least in a social media context, is that regardless of what you have and regardless of how well you have it going, it will never measure up. Seriously.

You might have a great job, but somebody who’s unemployed might post pictures of him on a bike trail or tour of Southeast Asia. It's as if this person who you know is unemployed has all the freedom in the world.

You have a health plan, you have a retirement plan and you have a steady paycheck coming in every two weeks. This person doesn't but, at that point in time, you can't help but think about the freedom this person has.

Do you see what I’m coming from here? Because whenever you compare, you end up on the losing end because you don't focus on the things you have. Instead, your attention goes to what's missing, and it all goes back to the same place. You don't have enough.

That's the message you keep drumming into your head when you engage in emotionally stressing habits like social media.

Even if you were to delete your Facebook or Twitter accounts, you're still going to run into this if you hang out with people who brag about stuff that's going well in their lives. That's all they talk about.

Keep in mind that a lot of people who do this don't really do this to put you down. In fact, a lot of them feel really insecure. They feel very small, powerless and lacking control. So, what do they do? They play up the things that are working out.

Somebody who did not do all that well in school can make a big deal out of their job. Maybe they got that job because they knew somebody. However, they make a big deal out of that because they know, at the back of their head, they're not really qualified. They don't have what it takes.

Here you are soaking it all in, and you take whatever they say at face value. What do you think will happen? You end up losing out. You end up coming up short. That's how comparisons work.

This is a very toxic environment, and you don't have to be on social media to feel this. You should dial down or eliminate your social media accounts, and you should stop hanging around toxic people.

The Bottom Line

Getting rid of emotional clutter really boils down to watching what you feed your emotions. That’s all it boils down to. It’s emotional hygiene. You have to understand that everything you pick up has an effect on your emotional state.

Unfortunately, a lot of people are very careless regarding what they feed their

head. They think they’re just checking out what's going on with other people, paying attention to what's going on in their lives and catching up.

The problem is if you have the wrong attitude, you end up putting yourself in a worse spot. It doesn't really matter what kind of advantages you have. It doesn’t really matter what you have going for you. If you have the wrong attitude, you will always come out at the losing end of that comparison.

I know this sounds crazy but even the most powerful and richest people in the world can make themselves feel miserable through comparison. If you don't believe me, imagine Bill Gates, the world's richest man comparing himself to Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant. Bill Gates thinks to himself, “Man, they’re such better basketball players than me.”

I know that sounds ridiculous, but Bill Gates can easily do that. He can focus on the part of his life where he doesn't really measure up against these people who play basketball for a living. That's a guaranteed one-way ticket to misery. That's how corrosive comparison is and, unfortunately, people do this all the time.

Avoid that comparison mindset. It's okay to hang out with a lot of people, but if your mindset leads you to do this, then you corrode yourself. You position yourself to lose. Watch what you feed your emotions.

How? Well, it all boils down to your mindset. When people are saying something to you, you can always read it a neutral way. You can even read it in a positive way. You can put a spin on it that lifts you up, encourages you or inspires you.

Unfortunately, this is easier said than done. Instead, people read this material in the worst way possible. They put the worst reading into it, and they feel worse and worse about themselves.

Be mindful of who you surround yourself with, what you focus on and, ultimately, how you read that material. The secret to this really all boils down to managing your emotional habits.

I can't blame you for having the emotional habits you have. Everybody picks up habits along the way. In fact, a lot of our emotional habits are “inherited” from our parents. We are, after all, mostly products of our backgrounds.

However, if we are unhappy in any way with our lives, it is our responsibility to ourselves to overcome our backgrounds. Just because your past is a certain way doesn't necessarily mean that you have to die with that past.

The big project of life is to overcome past programming. Just because you were born poor and struggling doesn’t necessarily mean you have to die that way. Just because you came from an abusive background doesn’t necessarily mean you have to live out your life a victim.

Do you see how this works? This all boils down to watching what you feed your emotions and tying them into the emotional habits you have. You have to overcome those habits.

Eventually, you should reach the point where regardless of how negative people are around you, your positive mental habits enable you to neutralize that feedback. Instead of beating yourself up, you might even use this input to push yourself forward and out.

To begin the process, you must first zero in on five toxic emotional habits or to work to minimize and then eliminate these from your life.

Toxic Emotional Habit #1: Constantly comparing yourself to others

I’ve already referred to this earlier, but it definitely needs more explanation. You have to understand that people naturally compare themselves to others. I would say that this is hard-wired into our genes.

We're kind of genetically predisposed to doing this. But How come?

Well, imagine thousands of years ago and

you and a buddy are walking down a trail and one of you sees a bear. You notice that your friend start limbering up like he’s practicing for a sprint.

You ask him, “Are you crazy? You're not going to outrun that bear. You know how fast bears are.” Your friend would then tell you, “I don't need to be faster than the bear. I just need to be faster than you.”

This old joke highlights the fact that people are comparative by nature, and this comparative instinct has a distinct genetic advantage.

When people stop comparing themselves to others, it's very likely that they're not going to put in enough effort, and their genes will die out. It is no surprise that this tendency to compare seems so hard to shake off.

Still, we reached an age where a lot of our basic needs are taken care of by technology and modern markets. You don't necessarily have to be faster than your friend to escape being eaten by a bear. Now is the time to get rid of this default tendency to constantly compare yourself to others.

You should actively disrupt such thought patterns. For example, if you see somebody you haven’t seen in a long while, and you see their clothing and how fit they are, don't automatically think about yourself. Don’t think, “What a fat slob I’ve become.” Or “She’s so much more beautiful than me.”

Instead of an inward directed focus, one of the most powerful ways to disrupt comparative thinking is to be more outward-directed. Be more appreciative and say, “Wow! You lost a lot of weight” or “You look really good. You haven’t aged one day.

Turn your analysis and your mental focus on the other person.

This is one of the best things you can do because not only does it make the other person feel better and this can go a long way in cementing your relationship. It also redirects your mind from your normal tendency to compare.

Direct more of your attention to others. Be more appreciative. Always remember that the world is not about you. It’s a huge world out there. There are a lot of very interesting people. There are a lot of great situations out there. Be more outward-directed.

Learn to share people’s emotions. In other words, be more compassionate. When you're able to do this, you’re judging yourself less. You’re beating yourself up less.

Toxic Emotional Habit #2: Drawing Emotional Rewards from Material Possessions

When you look at the stuff that you have, stop looking at them in emotional terms. When you look at your most-prized possession, appreciate them based on their own intrinsic properties.

Instead of looking at the logo of the car that sits in your garage and how that logo brings to mind all sorts of “elite” or “status” imagery,

appreciate your property for what they do and the problems they address.

The car in your driveway would still have the same hood on it. It would still have the same brand logo. However, when you change the way you think about your possessions, the focus now is on the property itself, not what the property can do for you.

You look at the sleek lines, you look at the amazing engineering and you’re just marveling at how awesome the manufacturers are. You step out of your circle of concern and your need to constantly bolster yourself self-esteem.

Instead, you get drawn into an amazing technical journey involving the kind of engineering needed to get into the product. Do you see how this works? The same applies to watches, any other kind of luxury item.

You can look at a Hermes bag instead of fixating on the “H” logo, look at the craftsmanship that went into this thing. It’s amazing!

Imagine the people crafting it. Imagine the kind of planning and painstaking measurement and attention to detail to create that amazing product.

When you do this, you focus not only on the product but also the people behind it. You're making great progress when you start thinking along these lines because you’re no longer thinking about yourself.

Normally, when people look at status symbols, they look at the item really as a mirror. What they’re really conversing with and addressing are their emotional needs. They look at the bag that has a product logo on it and think about how rich they are, how other people would look up to them, how trendy they are because they carry a bag that is desired by other people and on and on it goes.

None of this mental discussion really has anything to do with the bag itself, and it has nothing to do with the people behind the bag. It's all about you, and the more you focus on yourself, the more you're stuck on that ego black hole, and it gets worse and worse and worse.

Start thinking about material possessions based on their terms, not based on the emotional rewards you get because you own them. This is how you make progress in your journey to owning stuff instead of having stuff own you.